Recalculating
by Idan
Summary: A few months after moving to DC, Lisbon is called to testify in an old case in Austin. Seeing her again leads Jane to question the decisions they both made. T/M for language and eventual sexytimes. Multi chapter. Goes AU after Black Hearts.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: Hey, if it's up for grabs, I'll take it! Um, can somebody give me a loan?

**Author's Note**: This is AU, and I'm glad. Just a "what if?" story of the path not taken to get us through these emotional times.

**Chapter 1**

My phone rings, and I pull it out of my pocket. Cho barking my name and Fischer swearing under her breath both become unimportant when I see Lisbon's name. "Lisbon! Anything wrong?"

She chuckles a little. "You're just convinced I can't get by without you, aren't you? No, everything's fine."

Good, but she doesn't call me often. Occasionally she'll text me pictures of things she knows I'd like, but I can count on one hand the number of times we've spoken since that last painful goodbye.

"Hey, man, put your fucking hands in the fucking air!" screams the innocent but stupid person waving his gun around in my immediate vicinity. I put my free hand up to placate him.

"Jane?" Lisbon overheard, because she sounds worried,

"Just another day on the job," I assure her. "Cho and Fischer are here. They say hi." I tilt the phone away from my mouth to call, "Hey, guys, Lisbon says hi."

Cho commands, "Get off the phone, Jane!"

I ignore such a silly directive. This is Lisbon; I'm not hanging up on her. "So how is Marcus?" I ask her.

"Fine. Working a lot."

Ah. All is not well in paradise. I suspected as much.

"Look, the reason I'm calling is I have to testify in the Parsons case next week. I'm flying in Sunday night. I'd love to see you. All of you."

My heart does a weird little leap. "We'd love to see you too. Can I pick you up at the airport? I'm testifying too, so no need to rent a car."

"You're testifying? Abbott lets you take the stand?" Lisbon sounds like she doesn't believe me.

"Jane, call her back later!" Fischer yells.

I spare a glance for our wild-eyed suspect. "He's not going to shoot me," I assure them all. "He just has unresolved Daddy issues and is terrified of authority figures. Which I'm not. Put your guns down and he'll be fine."

"I'll, um, text you my flight information," Lisbon says quickly. "Do what Cho says, Jane. You hear me?"

"Got it. See you soon." I hang up the phone, to everyone's relief, and turn my attention back to getting us out of this cul-de-sac in our investigation. I have important things to do. Lisbon's coming to town!

mmm

I last saw Lisbon seven weeks, two days, and going on four hours ago. I have missed her every minute of that time, even the ones when I'm asleep. Maybe especially those, because she's all I seem to dream about.

I knew when I decided not to interfere with her happiness that it would be hard for me without her. And it has been. It's like phantom limb pain; I'm constantly turning around to say something to her or thinking I see her in crowds. Last week I automatically made a cup of coffee with my tea and was halfway to her desk before I realized she wasn't there and probably never would be again. I gave the coffee to Cho, who took one sip of the sugary brew and rolled his eyes at me. But he didn't say anything. He's a good man.

He and Fischer have been watching me like hawks, no doubt on Abbott's orders. I'm amusing myself by subtly convincing them that they have a crush on each other. It's pathetically easy because it happens to be true. If they don't tear each other's clothes off by the end of the month, I've lost my touch. Just because I'm miserable doesn't mean others should pass up happiness.

Lisbon's flight is scheduled to arrive at six o'clock Sunday evening. Perfect. I'll take her to dinner and then get her checked in to her hotel. I text an offer to let her stay in the Airstream, but she declines as I knew she would.

Just the thought of seeing her again makes me giddy. I spend Saturday shopping and badgering a tailor to alter my new suit in a rush. On Sunday I swing by a car rental place and pick up a sporty little convertible I think she'll enjoy, then retrieve my new suit from the tailor, fetch my new shirts from the 24-hour dry cleaner, stop by the shoe shiner, and head home to change and shave. When I'm done I look almost like my old self—not the con man, but the CBI consultant of yore.

I want to look like the man she loved, not the man she left.

And I want her to see I'm doing fine, that she doesn't have to worry about me. If Cho and Fischer have been using words like morose and sullen and depressed to describe me, I want her to decide they were exaggerating. I'm not going to negate my sacrifice by letting my misery cloud her happiness.

And that reminds me: if I'm going to pull off the happy and healthy act, I need to take off my ring. So I do, slowly and painfully, and put it carefully away. My finger feels wrong without its weight, but I tell myself I'll get used to it. Eventually.

I'm just about to leave for the airport when she texts me that her flight is delayed. I'm crushed with disappointment but keep my texts cheery, joking about taking a hot air balloon instead because, you know, Washington is full of long-winded politicians spinning airy promises. Lisbon doesn't seem amused, but I enjoy her crankiness after such a long deprivation.

The evening wears on, until around eight Lisbon lets me know they're finally boarding. She tells me she doesn't want to drag me out so late and she'll just take a cab to her hotel.

_Nonsense_, I text back. _You know I don't sleep much. I'll be there to meet you with bells on._

_That better be a figure of speech_, she responds. _Doors are closing. See you in a couple hours._

mmm

I'm jittery with anticipation as I wait by the security checkpoint, scanning anxiously for the one face in all the world I want to see. When I finally spot her, I swear my heart rams into my ribs, trying to get to her. Her precious face is pale with fatigue and crinkled with annoyance, but it's the best thing I've seen in months. I can feel myself beaming like an idiot but I don't care.

She's cut her hair to about shoulder length, reminding me of when we first met. Women sometimes cut their hair as a sign of mourning, but in her case I wonder if she was celebrating having a great weight lifted from her by escaping my gravitational pull. Whatever the reasoning, it looks good on her. She doesn't look a day older than when I first saw her, I realize. Well, if anybody deserves eternal youth, it's Teresa Lisbon.

Her face lights up when she sees me, and she gives me a big, happy smile with teeth. I scoop her up in a bear hug, lifting her off her feet for a moment, and she laughs a little breathlessly as I set her down. "Missed me, huh?" she says.

"You have no idea how much," I tell her truthfully.

"I missed you, too," she says, wrestling with me as I try to take her bag. After a second she lets me win, and we head out to the car while she tells me about her flight.

"And I was really wishing I'd learned how to hypnotize people, because he just would not shut up. He seemed convinced that telling me stories about how great he was would make me want to go home with him, no matter how many times I told him I was with somebody."

Take a number and get in line, buddy, I think to her seat mate. She already has an FBI agent boyfriend and an FBI consultant waiting in the wings if her first choice doesn't work out.

I stop at the little convertible and load her bag into the trunk while she stares. "When did you get this?"

"Oh, not long ago. What, you were expecting the Airstream?"

"Well...yeah." She gets in after I open the door for her.

"It's a bear to park," I reply. When I'm settled in the driver's seat, I add, "I thought you'd like this better."

"Yeah." She looks at me closely. "The beard's gone."

"It was time," I say. "The beach bum look was getting old."

She looks unsettled for a moment, then smiles. "Well, you look good."

"Thank you. You look lovely, by the way. I like the new haircut. Pike must be taking good care of you."

She snorts a little. "I take care of myself." Then she adds hurriedly, "He's very good to me. Just...really busy with work. There's a lot of travel involved. He says he'd like to take me to Paris one day with all his frequent flier miles."

"Everybody should see Paris at least once in their life," I say, remembering taking Angela there after my first big break.

"Yeah," Lisbon sighs. Then she yawns.

"Ah ha," I say. "You wanted the Airstream so you could take a nap."

"No. But I am really tired. It's past midnight in DC."

I notice she didn't say "at home." I'm torn between sadness and relief that she doesn't seem happy in her new life: relief because I'm not sure I could stand to hear her gush about it, and sad because I gave up my happiness for her, but it doesn't seem like that made her happy.

Apparently it's beyond my ability to make her happy no matter how hard I try.

I do the best I can, though. I drive her straight to her hotel and pull her bag out of the trunk, handing it to the bellhop with a generous tip so he'll treat her like a princess. Then I walk her to the door, reluctant to let her go. I need more time with her.

"Cho and Fischer and Wylie are going to meet us after the trial tomorrow for drinks," I tell her. "Abbott might even come. They can't wait to see you."

She smiles. "That's great. I can't wait to see them too."

On impulse, I blurt out, "Let me take you to breakfast in the morning."

"Oh. Um. There's free breakfast here," she says, hesitating.

"Meh. You should have a real breakfast. I know a great place. The bear claws are to die for," I wheedle.

She smiles at me a little wryly. "Okay. Seven?"

"Seven." I could dance, I'm so happy.

"Thanks for coming to get me," she says softly.

"Anytime, Lisbon. Anytime," I assure her.

Then, because I'm tired of passing up chances, I lean forward and kiss her smooth cheek. "Sweet dreams," I whisper.

Surprised, she raises a hand to the spot my lips touched. Then she smiles. "You too."

I watch until she's safely at the check-in desk, then head back out to the car, already committing the exact silkiness of her cheek and the herbal scent of her hair to memory.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Thanks for the encouragement and interest in this story! I'm feeling so overjoyed at the renewal that no amount of angst can bring me down, so this is another pretty lighthearted chapter. I'm declaring that this story goes AU after Black Hearts, just because that episode fit nicely into this premise.

**Chapter 2**

At quarter to seven the next morning, I'm seated in the lobby of Lisbon's hotel, waiting, a cup of her favorite latte in hand. The smell of it brings to mind so many memories, both good and bad. I'm nostalgic about all of them, though, because they're reminders of a time when I could see Lisbon every day.

For some reason, this separation is more painful than our previous ones. Maybe because, for the first time, she was the one to leave. And her reasons didn't involve a serial killer or a point of principle with the FBI; she simply examined our life together and found it wanting. She took a better offer.

I don't have the right to be hurt by that, because I didn't make a counteroffer, and that was a deliberate decision on my part. I had the power to make her stay, but I refrained. I'm no good for anyone; if she could escape me, the caring thing to do was to let her. Loneliness is the fate I deserve, after all. I'm grateful for the company she gave me over the years, but I had nothing to give her in return.

This is better for her. She may not be happy now, but she will settle in, make a life. Pike will find his balance in his new job and carve out more time for her. Her coworkers will come to value her—how could they not? She'll even make friends with some of them once she relaxes, stops feeling like she has to prove herself. Her loneliness will fade naturally.

Not mine, though. I will miss her for the rest of my life.

Lisbon arrives at five to seven, surprised but pleased to see me and the latte I hold out to her. "Thank you," she says, taking a sip and closing her eyes in pleasure.

I smile at her, glad for the chance to take care of her while I can. I can see that it's been far too long since someone did. Pike can't be taking her for granted already, can he?

I shouldn't want her to miss me. But selfishly, I'm pleased she does.

"Breakfast awaits," I tell her, ushering her out to the convertible with a hand on her back. I'm going to take every chance I get to touch her. These memories will probably have to last me a lifetime.

It's a short drive to the diner I have in mind, and soon we're settled in a comfortable booth. Lisbon finished off her latte on the way over, but now she orders her coffee black. I frown a little; Lisbon's sweet tooth is legendary. It occurs to me that she's lost weight; perhaps that was deliberate? But she didn't need to. Did Pike make a comment on her weight? Idiot.

"So tell me all about Washington," I say cheerfully. "I hear it's a great place to eat. Any kind of cuisine you could want."

"Yeah," she sighs, looking at the menu. I watch as she tears her gaze away from the pastries and down to the little corner offering the "healthy" selections under 600 calories. Then she looks up and smiles a little too brightly. "You should be proud of me. I tried the buffet at an Afghan restaurant we all went to. I had no idea what I was eating, but it was pretty good."

"Good for you," I say, amused. "So. No ring yet?"

Aha. A touchy subject, as I suspected. I know he asked her; I was sitting right there, after all. Does she really think I didn't know? Did she forget how well I read lips and body language? So that explains why the relationship is strained; he asked her two months ago and she hasn't decided.

Did she come down here partly to see me again before she committed to another man forever?

"He asked," she finally admits. "I haven't decided yet."

"Tell me all about it," I say, as if I'm her best girlfriend. "Romantic? Did he get down on one knee?"

Lisbon rolls her eyes at me. "You know he didn't. You were there."

I raise my eyebrows, but I don't deny it. "I assumed there was a do-over. One not in the office where you didn't recoil in horror."

"No," she sighs. "I think he's tired of being patient."

The best woman in the world moved halfway across the country, leaving her friends behind, for him, and he's pouting because she doesn't want to marry him two seconds later? Hm. Maybe he isn't the man for her after all. I thought he'd take better care of her.

She looks at me, and I brace for an incoming missile. "Why wouldn't you let me tell you I was leaving that night?"

She's definitely given that night some thought, then. I can't tell her I needed time to practice to let her rip my heart out while I smiled through it. "I, uh, I wasn't ready to hear it then. Figured there'd be plenty of time for bad news later."

"Huh. So you admit it was bad news."

"Lisbon," I sigh. "Of course it was. You mean a lot to me, and I knew I was going to miss you. And I have. But as long as you're happy, it's worth it."

She doesn't assure me that she's happy. "I miss you too," she says softly.

The waitress brings our drinks and takes our orders. As I suspected, Lisbon orders egg whites and whole wheat toast, no butter. Blegh. I tack a bear claw onto my order of loosely scrambled eggs and toast with marmalade. Then I call the waitress back and add an order of turkey bacon. I'll get a decent breakfast into Lisbon or my name's not Patrick Jane.

"Going undercover as a starving waif?" I ask.

"What? No." She looks honestly puzzled.

"Then what's the diet about?" If she gets any thinner, she'll blow away.

"Oh. Well. I haven't been out in the field much, and when I am, it's mostly sitting in traffic. I don't burn it off like I used to." She shrugs, trying to act like it's no big deal.

"Nonsense. You've lost weight since you left, not gained." Does she really think I can't see it?

Lisbon smiles at me just for a second, as if at a fond memory. I have a feeling Pike never calls her on her little evasions. "Marcus has to watch his cholesterol. I guess I've just gotten used to his diet."

I wave the waitress back over. "Cindi, can you cancel my friend Teresa's order so she can try again?"

"Jane," Lisbon chides.

"Sure," Cindi says. "What didya really want, hon?"

Lisbon rolls her eyes, so I say, "The California omelet and hash browns. And butter the life out of that toast, okay?" I give Cindi my most dazzling smile. "Oh. And some sugar for that coffee. Better yet, bring her a hot chocolate. With whipped cream."

"Got it." Cindi winks at me as she leaves.

Lisbon's trying to make her eyebrows frown, but she can't quite keep the smile from tugging at her lips. "If I fall into a food coma halfway through the trial, I'm going to blame you."

"Feel free. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, remember." I hold up my teacup as if I'm making a toast. Lisbon can't resist clinking her mug against it.

My heart aches a little. This is how it used to be between us—easy and comfortable. This is what I wanted for the rest of my life. But Lisbon wanted more. I can't blame her, but I can't give it to her, either.

To make her smile again, I tell her about a recent case that involved Wylie in a bunny suit and Cho in an honest to God fedora. She laughs, as I hoped, and asks, "What about Fischer?"

"She's not answering my casting calls since her star turn as a hooker junkie spending the night under a bridge. With rats." I do feel bad about that. I mean, who knew the city had such a vermin problem?

"Jane!" Lisbon scolds me. Old habits die hard. "Did you at least apologize?"

"Yes. I even offered to take her to dinner to make it up to her. But she said she'd rather eat rat stew." Uncalled for, but perhaps understandable. "So I slipped a gift card to her favorite steak place into her purse. She invited Cho to share it with her." I grin. Lisbon doesn't need to know about the note supposedly in Cho's handwriting that accompanied it. Or that I've been able to forge all our old CBI team's handwriting since about two weeks into my employment there.

"Did he go?"

"Of course. Who turns down Purcell's?"

Lisbon laughs. "You always did know how to apologize when you wanted to."

"I never apologized enough to you," I confess. "But I am sorry, Teresa, for each and every time I made you unhappy. I need you to know that."

She's taken off guard by my change in mood, but she nods. "I know, Jane," she says in her soft voice.

We're quiet until our food arrives. Lisbon tears into her food with gusto, and I barely get a piece of the bacon and a small piece of the bearclaw. And how did I forget how adorable she is with whipped cream on the tip of her dainty little nose?

We're just finishing up when my phone buzzes, followed by Lisbon's. I read the text from Cho informing me that the judge has come down with something and the trial is postponed until tomorrow and pinch myself to contain my glee. An extra day with Lisbon!

I'm about to text back to tell him I've come down with something too when Lisbon says, "Dammit. Well, I'd better tell the hotel I'm not checking out tomorrow after all. Cho wants me to come by the office. Do you mind?"

"Of course not. Anything else you'd like to do with your free day?" I'm having fantasies about a road trip in the Airstream.

Lisbon sips at the last of her hot chocolate, then sets the mug down and grins. "Surprise me."

"Oh." I clutch at my heart. "Lisbon, you've just made me the happiest man in the world." I beam at her joyfully.

This day is going to be even better than my wildest dreams.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: **Thanks for letting me know you're enjoying this story! Writing Jane in first person still feels presumptuous, but one of the many things I love about him is his appreciation for the absurd, so his inner monologue is irresistible to me.

**Chapter 3**

We go straight to the office. I'm so busy soaking up Lisbon's presence and anticipating how happy the imminent reunion will be that I don't notice anything odd until we get in the elevator and Lisbon mutters, "Why are they staring? I don't have whipped cream on my nose, do I?"

"You look beautiful, as always," I assure her, but I don't add that I'm the one they're staring at. My plan to make Lisbon believe that I'm right as rain is in danger of failing due to the fact that I gave myself a radical makeover that no one at the FBI has seen. I should have laid the groundwork beforehand. Too late now though.

Fortunately for me, Cho, Fischer, and Wylie will be so focused on Lisbon that they won't give me away.

I hope.

"Lisbon!" Cho calls, smiling. With teeth.

He and Lisbon hug. I wonder if she realizes he was lurking near the elevator so he could get the first one? If anybody misses Lisbon almost as much as I do, it's Cho.

"Lisbon!" It's Fischer's turn to hug. Meanwhile, Cho stares at me, then smirks. He won't give me away, though. At least not with words. He's the most effective nonverbal communicator I know, and proud of it.

"It's great to see you guys," Lisbon smiles at them both, obviously delighted. "Where's Wylie?"

"Here." He emerges from the breakroom with a big smile and heads toward her, extending a hand. Lisbon ignores it and hugs him, which makes him blush bright red.

Lisbon isn't usually a big hugger, so her enthusiasm is a sign that she's been lonely. That will break my heart if I let myself dwell on it, so I file it away for later.

"You shaved!" Fischer says in blank amazement, staring at me.

I suppress a sigh. No discretion, that one. "You object?" I ask, mildly curious. I realize she's never actually seen me clean shaven.

"Is that a new shirt?" Wylie chimes in. Okay, next time I need a pretend murder victim, I'm calling someone else.

Now they're all staring at me. Cho folds his arms. "That's a new suit too."

Et tu, Cho?

I glance at Lisbon, whose eyebrows are raised as she looks at me. Her smile has an amused twist to it. It's her "I know you're full of shit but it's not endangering a case so I think it's funny" look, and it makes my heart ache with longing and loss.

"Is it suddenly a federal crime to look one's best for a special occasion?" I say sarcastically.

"Aw, I'm flattered," Lisbon teases me. "I'm a special occasion?"

"Every single time," I tell her.

That gets me a delicate blush, like a new rosebud. I take a moment to tuck it into the treasure room of my memory palace.

Abbott arrives, and I'm relieved since he draws everyone's attention. He smiles as he shakes Lisbon's hand. "It's good to see you, Lisbon. How are things in DC?"

"Just fine, thanks," Lisbon replies.

Abbott glances at me, betraying only a little surprise. "And who's your friend?"

I'm surrounded by comedians.

Lisbon laughs. "I think he was hoping his disguise would let him play hooky."

Abbott chuckles. "He's all yours, Lisbon. Return him better than you found him, okay?"

"Please," Fischer mutters.

Cho and Lisbon trade smirks.

For a roomful of people whose case solution rate depends on my cooperation, they're being very annoying. I'm about to say as much when Lisbon turns to me, capturing my attention by giving me an exaggerated once-over. "I'm afraid this might be as good as he gets," she grins.

"He's even smiling," Cho says.

"That's a change," Fischer agrees.

I treat them all to my best dazzling smile, baring my teeth. Cho recognizes the warning and taps Lisbon on the arm. "See you in court," he says.

"We still on for drinks tonight?" she asks.

Who could say no to that hopeful look in her eyes? Not Cho, and apparently not Fischer either, because they give simultaneous affirmatives.

"You two have a nice day off," Abbott says before heading back to his office.

Lisbon exchanges temporary goodbyes with everyone, and we get back in the elevator.

"Wow. Abbott just gives you time off, huh?" Lisbon's tone is joking but her eyes are worried.

"Be careful, Lisbon. Cheer me up enough and he'll start finding excuses to drag you back here on a regular basis." I say it jovially, but I know what Abbott is hoping for. He's realized why she was my number one demand, and he's convinced I'm going to do the selfish thing and convince her to come back.

But I'm not. Lisbon's happiness is more important than Abbott's complaint paperwork.

Lisbon bumps her shoulder against mine, a sign of affection. "Do you need cheering up?" She looks at my face closely, and I'm so tempted to let her see the truth.

No. That would make her unhappy.

"Doesn't everyone?" I shrug, laying my hand on her lower back as the elevator doors open to the ground floor. "Now. We have several hours to kill on a work day. This is a rare and precious gift that should not be wasted. Let us go forth and seize the day!"

Lisbon returns my grin, her worries fading as her expression lights up with anticipation.

mmm

We stop by a gourmet market I know, and then at the Airstream to pick up a cooler and picnic basket. Lisbon goes inside with me, looking around curiously. "Still living here?"

"It's a great living space. Cozy. Not a lot of room to accumulate things."

"Or people," she sighs under her breath. I pretend not to hear her.

"Just perfect for my simple needs. I'm keeping my carbon footprint small," I add.

Lisbon snorts. "In this thing? How many gallons to the mile?"

"It costs almost nothing to heat," I point out. "Or light. What are you paying for your place in DC?"

She sighs again. "The rental market there is brutal. Marcus says we should buy as soon as possible."

"Mm. A mortgage is more permanent than marriage," I remark, watching for her reaction. It's a grimace.

I finish packing up our supplies and smile. "Ready to go?"

She looks around, then bites her lip. "Jane," she says quietly. "Do you really believe people can't change?"

I try to read her, but her distress conceals its cause. "Of course people can change." I did, after all. "But it usually happens as the result of some big trauma."

"I've...I've never been able to commit. But I want to this time. Do you think that's enough?" Her glance is furtive, as if she's afraid of the answer.

"If you want it enough," I tell her. She doesn't, though. My poor darling. She wants her perfect life, but she doesn't want what she has to do to get it.

More precisely, she doesn't want who she has to do to get it. But I can't offer her anything better. No life with me would ever be perfect. Just ask my family. Oh wait, you can't...because of me.

"Come on," I prompt gently. "It's a bit of a drive to the lake."

We don't talk much during the drive; with the top down, we have to shout to hear each other. Lisbon looks over at me a lot, though. I know she's remembering other road trips and happier times. It says something about my life that the good old days were when we were chasing a serial killer.

At last we reach Lake Travis, and since it's not lunchtime yet, we go for a stroll. The path is wide enough for us to walk without touching, but we don't, bumping into each other a little every few steps. I love having her close beside me again, even if it's only temporary. So many years she's been beside me, comfort and protection and inspiration all in one beautiful package. No wonder I've been a little wobbly without her.

She catches me looking at her. "What?"

I smile tenderly. "I miss walking with you."

Her smile is lovely but sad. "Me too." Then she brightens. "There are some great places to walk in the DC area. Funky neighborhoods and historic areas and even some of the bridges. Come see me sometime and I'll show them to you."

Maybe when Pike is on one of his overseas trips, I think. I have no desire to see him. "I'll try, but I'm not sure my leash extends that far."

"Right. Like you don't have Abbott wrapped around your little finger." She rolls her eyes.

"It's more complicated than that." And I'm not his favorite person these days. "Tell me a funny story about one of your cases."

"None of my cases have been funny. There's a lot of poverty and violence," she says.

"Job security."

"I guess. So how have you run off all the applicants for my old job? I can't believe Abbott hasn't filled it yet."

I shrug. "I told him I was tired of breaking in new people and that I'd rather just work with Cho and Fischer and Wylie. The kid's getting more time in the field, so he's happy. And I saw Cho and Fischer flipping a coin the other day to see who had to take me to interview a suspect. Just like the old days." Once Van Pelt came on board, the three of them worked out a rotation, but when it was just Rigsby and Cho, they had a series of methods to decide. Some were quite amusing. Cho usually won.

"Huh." She gives me a sidelong glance. "Hoping I'll come back?"

With every fiber of my being. "I'd never wish you to fail at anything, Lisbon. You've made it to the big time, and you deserve it."

"It doesn't feel like the big time."

"Give it some time," I advise. "Change is hard. Once the dust settles you'll be able to evaluate the situation better."

Lisbon sighs. Then she fidgets. I can see that she wants to ask me something she's afraid will be difficult. The idea is mildly terrifying, but I can't bear to see her so unhappy, so I say, "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

There's a very unladylike snort, and she looks away so I have no idea what expression is on her face. "Only on your terms."

"No. Today, you set the terms. Consider it a gift for playing hooky with me."

She looks at me, her beautiful eyes narrowed with suspicion and speculation. I hope I haven't just made a promise I can't keep.

She looks away again as she says, "I'll understand if you don't want to talk about this. But I...I don't have anybody else to ask."

"I'll answer you as best I can, Lisbon." I keep my voice gentle.

She glances at me with a nervous smile, then drops her gaze to the ground and keeps it there. "How did you know you wanted to get married?"

Ah. I'm relieved this isn't a question about us, but at the same time I'm a little disappointed. I don't think my answer is going to help her. "It was the only way Angela's parents would agree to let her move out. We wanted to leave the carnie life, but she didn't want to leave them on bad terms."

"So it wasn't your idea? You didn't propose?"

"Don't misunderstand; I was a very willing participant," I hurry to correct her. "Angela was my best friend, I loved her, and I couldn't imagine my life without her in it. But I didn't wake up one morning and suddenly realize I wanted to go out and buy her a ring. It was more like...a necessary part of the plan. We had a sort of mutual realization as we plotted our escape. We were always on the same page about it. Like we were about most things. When I made the grand gesture of pulling her up on stage during a show to propose, she wasn't surprised and I wasn't nervous. It was an act for the benefit of her family and my father." I smile a little at the memory.

Lisbon grins up at me. "Why am I not surprised?"

"The love was real. Our marriage was real. But our decision to get married was part of the larger picture we had for our lives. It wasn't romantic in the popular sense of the term." Maybe that's the answer she's looking for, I realize. "We had it all figured out. I'd get my career launched and we'd both work hard until we could afford a nice house. Then she'd quit working and we'd have our family. We planned three kids, but I was working so much Angela changed her mind about that after Charlotte was born. We were going to send her to the best schools and make sure she had everything she ever needed. And we were going to grow old together and die on the same day." That was Angela's idea. It was a good one, but I didn't go through with it. I wonder if Lisbon would be better off if I had?

"It sounds beautiful. I'm sorry you didn't get to stick to your plan." Lisbon touches me on the shoulder, and I yield to impulse and grasp her hand in mine. It helps me fold up the aching grief and put it away again, refocusing my attention on her.

"But if you are looking for advice about marrying Pike, I think you should take your time. Find your balance at work, settle in. Too much change at once can mess with your head."

She sighs. "It's his birthday next week. He keeps hinting he'd like an answer for his present."

"Get him a tie." How dare he pressure her?

Lisbon snickers a little. "Boy, wouldn't that be a letdown. You're a bad influence, Jane."

Then why do you want my advice? "Don't let yourself be pushed into anything."

"Hah. Says the man who's been tricking and conning me since we met," she says.

"You loved every minute of it," I tease.

"Not the paperwork."

I tug on her hand, bringing us both to a stop. "Hey. Seriously. The person you marry should be the person you never get tired of. The one you think about when you wake up and who stars in your best dreams. The one you most want to talk to when you're unhappy or lonely or afraid. The one you want when you're sick. The one you imagine still being happy to see after fifty years together, old and grey and still holding hands hobbling down the road."

Lisbon looks at me with big trusting eyes, smiling a little as she pictures the distant future in her head.

"Is Pike that guy?" I ask softly.

Suddenly her eyes are swimming with tears. "No," she whispers.

I give her hand a comforting squeeze. "Then don't marry him. Hold out for the right one."

"But," she chokes out, "what if...what if the right one doesn't feel the same way about me? I don't want to grow old alone, Jane. I never envisioned that for myself."

"Don't settle. You deserve better than that." I won't let her marry him. He doesn't take good care of her and she doesn't love him. There's no way I'm letting this happen.

"What if there is no better?"

"There is," I tell her firmly.

"Well would you tell him to hurry up?" She tries to joke, swiping at her eyes with her free hand.

"I wish I could." She's breaking my heart, but I keep myself in check. Pike may not be the one, but I'm no good for her either.

"Is that...is that why you aren't interested in moving on? Because you'd be settling? Because there can't be another right one?" She glances at me miserably.

Oh, darling. My poor Lisbon. How can she ever find the right one if she's still hung up on me? A better man would push her away, make a clean break and let her get over me.

"No. It's because I'd want better for anyone I loved. My love has never done anybody any good." I wish I could make her understand that.

"That's why you didn't try to stop me from leaving," she says hoarsely. "Because you thought I'd be better off without you."

I nod. "It certainly wasn't because I thought I'd be better off without you."

"And how have you been without me?" she asks.

"Well. Cho hasn't punched me yet." I grin, but let it fade at the disappointment in her eyes. She always did hate it when I hid from her. "I'm sad, Lisbon. Who wouldn't be? I lost my best friend. But I'll muddle through. I'm pretty resilient, you know."

"No, I don't know," she says. "What I do know is that you've never been able to put anything behind you since we met."

I give her a half smile. "If you're worried I'll spend the rest of my life pining for you, don't. I want you to be happy. If you're happy, I'm happy."

She yanks her hand out of mine and slugs me in the arm. I'd forgotten how much that hurt. "Don't give me that bullshit," she hisses. "I want the truth from you, Jane, for once in your life."

"You want the truth? Your happiness is important to me. I thought Pike would make you happy and it kills me that you aren't. I could stand to be without you if you were happy, but since you aren't I want you to come back so at least we're not both miserable."

She stares at me for a moment, stunned. "You're miserable?"

"Yes."

We stare at each other until she bursts out, "How could you do this to us? Why couldn't you just tell me the truth? I asked you, Jane. More than once."

"If I'd asked you not to go, you'd have stayed and been unhappy. I thought in DC you'd have a chance to get what you wanted."

"That wasn't your call, Jane," she spits out. Then she whirls around and stalks back the way we came.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: **Thanks for sticking with this little AU story as we count down to the season finale! I can't wait and at the same time am totally not ready. It gives me new sympathy for Jane! :)

**Chapter 4**

I wait a few minutes before following Lisbon, getting myself under control and giving her anger time to fade past the physical violence stage. The angrier she is, the faster she walks, and when I get back to the car it's obvious she's been there for some time. She's leaning against the passenger door, arms crossed and shoulders hunched. Protecting herself, curling in on the pain. When she hears me approaching, she rubs at her cheeks with her hands, and I realize she's been crying.

"Lisbon," I say, desperately sorry and reaching out to comfort her.

She steps away from the car and brings up her arm, hand flat against me like she's warning off an aggressive suspect. It hurts like a punch.

"No," she says fiercely, finally looking at me. Her eyes flash with determination that does not bode well for me. "My terms, remember?"

I nod. "Your terms."

She lowers her arm, eyeing me warily. "I am going to ask you some simple questions. You will answer yes or no. Just that. Understand?"

I have a bad feeling about this. But I promised her. And I won't break my promises to Lisbon. Ever.

Well, ever again.

"Understood," I assure her.

She takes a deep breath. "Do you love me?"

Easy one. "Yes."

Her next breath hitches like a sob. I feel tears start to my own eyes. She should never have had to ask that. I should have given her the words like a gift.

But from her expression, that isn't the point of this. That was just the warm up, to soften up the person being interrogated and get them to relax.

"Do you want me to move back to Austin?"

Still trying to get my guard down with easy questions. She knows I'm going to be a tough nut to crack. I try to relax my body and calm my mind, giving her my full attention. "Yes."

"And if I do, will things go back to the way they were?"

I struggle with this one. I want to ask for specificity, but that would be disingenuous. I know she's talking about our personal relationship. She wants some kind of commitment before she considers uprooting her life for the second time in as many months. It's not an unreasonable demand.

Well, whatever happens, we won't go back to our old relationship, where all the most important things were left unspoken. "No."

Lisbon looks like she doesn't quite know what to do with that answer. I'm not the only one having trouble with the one word answer rule. She visibly decides to switch tactics. "Can you see yourself growing old with me?"

"Yes." I've dreamt it, in fact.

Her lips move into a tremulous smile, but her eyes are still anxious, almost agonized. "Can you see yourself being with me? As a couple?"

If I were allowed to, I would ask if she really wants to know if I can imagine being sexual with her. To which the answer, of course, is yes. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. What red blooded, straight male couldn't?

The problem is, being a couple is so much more than sex. It means giving of yourself to another person. And I'm not sure I remember how. Or that there's anything left of me worth giving.

I am sure that what's left isn't worthy of giving to Lisbon. "No," I whisper.

Lisbon takes it bravely, stiffening but keeping her face calm. "Okay," she says, as if I've just given her a lead. "So you want me to come back, but you don't want to be with me."

I want to protest that it's not a question of wanting, but of ability. She must see some of that on my face, because she pauses. Then she says, "Do you want to be with me?"

"Yes," I sigh.

"But you think you can't be?"

"Yes." Maybe this is for the best. If she can understand why I let her go, maybe she can move on. Not with Pike, but there must be some other good guys in DC? Or even here, though I don't think she'll come back once she understands we can't be together.

Lisbon cocks her head a little, pondering. "Can you see yourself being part of a couple again, ever, with anyone?'

"No." And that's the heart of the problem, of course. I'm glad she's figuring it out. It'll make things easier for her.

She nods, unsurprised. "When you're lonely or sick, am I the one you want to talk to?"

"Yes." No one else even comes close.

"Do you dream about me?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to have sex with me?"

I have to grin at her. Seriously? "Oh, yes," I say in my best husky voice.

She blushes a little, but I think it's more arousal then embarrassment.

"So basically," she says slowly. I'm reminded of the moment in an interrogation when she sums up the suspect's story so he can hear how ridiculous it sounds. "Basically, you'd be okay seeing me in our personal time, sleeping with me, and sticking with me in sickness and in health, as long as we didn't call ourselves a couple?"

Hm. Nicely played, Lisbon. You make me sound like an idiot. I have to step out of bounds for a minute. "It's about expectations, Lisbon. I can't give you what you want."

"No," she says, eyes glinting with anger, "you can't give me what you think I want. You don't actually know what I want, or we wouldn't be in this mess."

"What do you want?" I ask.

"I want to be with the man I love who loves me back. That's all. I don't need anything else. Is that something you can see yourself doing?"

I'm a little misty-eyed. This is the first time she's ever said she loved me. I mean, I knew she did, but it means so much to hear it. "Yes."

Her eyes light up, so I hurry to clarify before she gets her hopes up too high. "But it would be selfish. Because I can't move on. I don't know how to heal enough to be anything but a burden on you. I've had years and I haven't managed it. I spent two years wandering on beaches and contemplating life and couldn't do it."

"Jane," she says softly, "maybe all that means is that you need some help."

I grimace. "You know how I feel about shrinks."

"No, I didn't mean that kind of help." She smiles at me like she's amused. "I mean maybe it's like physical therapy. You have a bum arm you can't use, so you go to a trainer who makes you use it, even though it hurts. And the more you use it—carefully, the right way—the stronger it gets. Until one day you stop and realize that you just picked up something heavy without even thinking about it."

I'm having the weirdest sensation, like I thought I was seeing normally until Lisbon took off my sunglasses and I realized how bright the colors really are. Is it possible she's right? That the thing I need so I can heal enough to be with her is...her?

"So you...want to be my trainer?" I ask, trying to wrap my head around the concept.

"That depends." She takes a step toward me. "Are you willing to work hard? Not give up when you're tired and hurting and think you can't do anymore? Stick with it until you're back to full strength?"

In other words, am I willing to put as much into this as I put into hunting Red John? She would never say it like that, but we both know that this has to be as important as that was, or it won't work.

So often the pivotal moments of our lives only become apparent in hindsight. The first time I saw Angela. The night we made Charlotte. That cursed television appearance. The first time I set foot in the CBI.

But I recognize this one while I'm in it. This, right here, is where I can draw Lisbon back to my side to build a future together, or convince her once and for all that I'm a lost cause. And despite all my resolve, the hope and love in her eyes won't let me lie to her. Only the truth will do.

"Yes."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** Wow, thanks for the positive response to the last chapter! I was a little worried it was weird, so I was glad to find out people liked Lisbon's approach. It's not all smooth sailing yet, but we're getting there. And only one day left until the finale! Yay/ack!

**Chapter 5**

I'm not completely clear on the exact sequence of events that led to me hoisting Lisbon onto the trunk of the car and stepping between her legs so I can more easily kiss her, but my brain is severely oxygen-deprived at this point. And honestly, I couldn't care less about anything except her mouth moving against mine and her warm body pressed against me. Arousal hits me like a tsunami, and I think I might spontaneously combust.

If I do, I'm glad I got to experience this first. It would have been a shame to die without tasting Lisbon's mouth, feeling her tongue slide slowly against mine and her little teeth nip at my lower lip. I move my hands from her cheeks to her deliciously firm ass, pulling her against my aching cock and thrusting against her involuntarily. My body is taking charge as my brain starts to shut down for lack of air, but I retain enough sense to know that Lisbon deserves better than a frantic screw on the trunk of a car in plain sight of anyone who might happen by. Still, the knowledge doesn't seem to translate into action.

When she leans away from me, I follow her instinctively, confused by the increasing pressure on my chest. It takes me a few moments to realize she's pushing at me, trying to separate us even though she's still kissing me like our lives depend on it.

I groan as I unseal my mouth from hers. "What?' I ask, because I don't have enough breath to manage a sentence.

She pants lightly, trying to get enough air to speak. Her eyes glitter with excitement, her pupils are huge, her cheeks are the best shade of pink I've ever seen, and her hair is gloriously mussed. She looks like a horny man's dream. Irresistible.

But her palms are still on my chest, and she's scooting back on the trunk, putting space between us. Something's going on in that labyrinthine head of hers. But I'm tired of thinking. Thinking is what made me let her go, and I'm not making that mistake again. I lean forward, ignoring the pain of her strong little hands, and kiss her again, lightly this time.

"I'm not going to cheat on Marcus," she gasps out when she has control of her lips again.

Ah.

I step back, finally understanding. A couple of deep breaths and my brain is back in charge. She's right; she'd never forgive herself for infidelity, and I want her to be wholly mine when we make love for the first time.

And I can't take it for granted that we ever will, despite what just happened. She might go back to DC and realize that I was right all along, that I'm no good for her.

"Stop that," she commands. "All I'm saying is we're not having sex on the trunk of this car." She blushes a deeper shade of rose, then adds, "Or anywhere else while I'm still in a committed relationship with Marcus."

"Fair enough," I manage to respond.

We look at each other for a minute. Then I gesture for her to get down, and when she does, I pop the trunk, open the cooler, and toss her a bottle of water, then grab one for myself. It's a warm day and we're both overheated from the walk and the heart-pounding make out session.

I think I've calmed down until I notice the way her lips are wrapped around the bottle mouth, and suddenly I'm desperate for her again. Looking away, I chug the entire bottle and do every biofeedback exercise I know until I can think straight again.

"Let's eat," Lisbon says. Her voice is a shade deeper than usual, telling me I'm not the only one regretting the need to stop. But I'm the one who made this mess, so I deserve to suffer. She doesn't.

I try to focus on what I'm doing as I pull the blanket and picnic basket out of the trunk and begin setting out our lunch. Lisbon wisely keeps her distance, arms folded around herself as she watches me.

When I finish, I pat the blanket beside me. "Have a seat."

Lisbon comes over and settles just out of arm's reach, picking up the container of pasta salad and putting a few spoonfuls on her plate. We busy ourselves with our meal, the silence charged with potential instead of a comfortable silence like those I remember. I try to think of a neutral topic to put her at ease.

"If you want to come back," I say, "your job is yours for the asking. Abbott never wanted you to leave in the first place."

"Really? He never wanted to hire me in the first place," she deflects.

"He knows talent when he sees it."

She gives me a look. "You mean you've been a pain in the ass since I left and he wants me to keep you happy."

I smile. "That too. But he wanted me to stop you from leaving in the first place. I told him you were going to do what you wanted to do."

Lisbon rolls her eyes. "I made the best decision I could with the available information. It's not my fault you withheld critical testimony."

"No, it's not," I agree. It occurs to me I still haven't told her what she needs to hear, not properly. I'm still not convinced this is the best thing for her, but since my ace is no longer hidden up my sleeve, I might as well lay my cards on the table.

I reach for her hand, leaving my palm open so she knows she has a choice. After a second, she puts her hand in mine, curling her fingers to hold on. I gently enclose her hand, rubbing the back with my thumb.

"I love you," I say softly, watching her face.

Her smile is slow and gradual like a sunrise, and just as breathtaking. She blinks, her eyes developing a distinct sheen. "How long?"

"Years, in different ways and various degrees of hopelessness," I tell her. "But you have never, since we met, been eclipsed as the person I care for most."

"I want to tell you," she says after a moment, sobering. "But not until I can do it with a clear conscience."

I lift her hand to my mouth and kiss it. "I understand that." And I do. I've had so many reasons for not telling her over the years: Red John might have targeted her, I was a fugitive she might never see again, I wasn't in any shape to act on it, I had nothing to offer her. But they all boil down to having a clear conscience.

Then I smile. "Since when do you have to tell me things?"

To my surprise, she looks down unhappily. "I should have been the one to tell you I was leaving. I'm sorry I didn't. I just..."

"You were afraid I'd talk you out of it. Even more afraid I wouldn't try." I hated finding out from Cho, but I understood even then that my resolve to let her go was going to hurt both of us. But in her case I hoped the pain would be therapeutic.

"Yeah," she sighs.

"Can we just agree that your leaving was a mistake for which we share the blame, albeit disproportionately? I'm far more interested in what we do now."

Lisbon reclaims her hand and returns her attention to lunch. "I don't know," she says. "It's tempting to just write it all off as a mistake and come back, but...I had reasons for going. Some of them are still valid."

"The job?"

She nods. "And Marcus. He really wants to make it work. I knew it was never going to unless I got over you, which meant leaving."

"But you're not over me," I point out. "And not likely to be, now that you know my feelings."

"But I made a commitment. I take that seriously. I'm not going to end things on impulse after one conversation where I basically had to force you to admit you loved me."

I should have expected this. Marcus isn't some guy she was using in a con; he's the man she is trying to build a life with. She cares about him, and he obviously cares about her, since he proposed to her.

However, she doesn't love him, so the future they were trying to build was never going to be real.

"I know you made a commitment, and I respect that," I say slowly. "But when you've had time to think about it, I think you'll decide that you both deserve to be with someone you truly love, who loves you in return. Not trying to make it work despite your feelings."

She glances away, which I take to mean I'm right.

"And I know you still need information from me in order to make an informed decision," I continue. "Eat up, sweetheart."

That earns me a quick, startled glance, but it's long enough for me to see the delight in her eyes.

"I'll talk while you eat. You stop eating, I'll stop talking." She's so thin. I picked out a pretty high calorie meal for that reason, but it won't do her any good unless I get it into her.

"I had a big breakfast," she points out.

"That was hours ago. Eat up." I pick up a plump, juicy strawberry and hold it out to her. To my shock, she leans forward and takes it between her teeth, then closes her lips around it as she pulls it slowly from my grip. I grin at her, my naughty little minx.

"Talk," she orders when she finishes chewing.

"I want to promise you the moon and stars," I tell her honestly. "I'd like to promise I would make you happy and always treat you as you deserve. That you'd never regret choosing me. But I think we both know that's not what you'd be signing up for."

"I know you, Jane," she says after chewing a bite of potato salad. "I know you're going to make me want to punch you on a regular basis. You'll also behave like a jackass sometimes, and you'll probably break my heart again, at least a little."

"I hope not," I say fervently.

She puts down her fork. "Will you cheat on me?"

"No!" After living like a monk for nearly 13 years, having her in my bed will be a surfeit of riches. I'd have no need or desire for anyone else.

"Will you run off and leave me without warning again?"

"Not if I can possibly help it," I reply. "And I promise if I do, I'll get in touch as soon as I can."

"So if you decide you're tired of the FBI and want to go back on the lam, you'll give me a chance to join you?"

"If that's what you want. But I won't go back on the run." She would hate it.

"Good." She takes a deep breath. "Would you ever intentionally mistreat me? Hit me?"

"No!" I know this is about her father, not about me, but I'm still a little hurt she has to ask.

"I'm making a point, Jane," she says gently. "And that is, as long as you don't cheat on me, hit me, or abandon me, I can deal with the rest of it. I'm not someone you just met. I know who you are."

She does. She's the only one who does, actually.

"What I need from you," she says, "is what you want. What you think our life together would be like."

Ah. Pike has painted a picture for her, some of which she found attractive. She wants me to do the same so she can decide which one speaks to her more. I bet his is all pastels and Impressionism. I'm afraid mine is going to come out more like a Rorschach test.

But then, I've always been good at talking her into things. Of course, she knows that. She'll be looking for honesty, and if she doesn't find it, that's a deal breaker.

"I don't...really have something specific in mind," I say. "Making a new life isn't something I've thought much about. When I came back to the States, I just wanted to be with you, solving cases and having a good time. Having you with me makes me happy, because we understand each other. We take care of each other. That is what I really want, for us to take care of each other. I want to make sure you're eating well and getting enough sleep and laughing on a regular basis. And I love that you care when I'm not sleeping and tell me to do something about it. Only I'd really like it if now the solution to that could be you holding me until I fall sleep." I smile hopefully at her.

"That's all? Just us taking care of each other?"

Is she disappointed? I try to figure out where I'm coming up short. "I think I'd like it if we could live together while we're doing that. Get a little domestic routine going. I'd cook and you'd pick out where to stash the guns in case there's a zombie apocalypse or we get invaded by Mexico."

"Ha, ha," she says.

Is she expecting a white picket fence in this picture? Or is she afraid I expect her to live in the Airstream? Does she want me to propose? No, not while she's with another guy. And not on the spur of the moment without a ring or anything. She deserves a grand proposal, romantic and perfect. The kind Pike hasn't bothered to give her.

"What were you just thinking about?" She puts down her sandwich and looks at me curiously.

Uh oh. "Uh...that, um, when it's time, when we're both ready, I'd like to give you a proposal that will knock your socks off." I give her my best "don't be mad at me" smile, but it's wasted because she's beaming at me.

"I'd like that," she says. Then she adds, "I'm not living in the Silver Bucket."

I chuckle. "I wouldn't dream of asking you to. We can find a nice little bungalow or something."

"Good." She fidgets for a moment, and I realize what Pike is offering her that she's afraid I won't. It's a tough subject, and she's been the brave one so far. I should spare her this one.

"If you want to try to have a family," I say, "I'd be on board with that."

She looks at me with so much relief and surprise that I'm amazed she can expect so little of me but still want to be with me. "You would?"

"I loved being a father. I...I'm a little worried I'm too old to chase a toddler around now, and I can't guarantee I wouldn't be pathologically overprotective." I'm actually pretty sure I would be. "I mean, I won't feel cheated if we don't. You're enough for me to be happy. But I love the idea of a mischievous little boy with your hair and eyes and my smile."

She mirrors my wistful look. "Would you be okay if it was a girl, though?"

"That would be...a little harder. But I'd never resent her for not being Charlotte."

She nods. "I wouldn't want you to feel like you had to do this for me. I'd want you to be as excited as I would be."

"I would be, Teresa. I'd be thrilled." And terrified, but that's part of it for any prospective parent, right? I was terrified when we were expecting Charlotte, worried I'd be a crappy parent like my dad. I turned out to be worse; at least my dad didn't get me killed before I could even ride a bike.

She reaches for my hand. "Hey," she says softly, knowing where my head's at. "I won't push you. I just...I kind of think it's a crime against the gene pool for you not to reproduce."

I have to grin at her for that line. "I feel the same way about you," I assure her.

She squeezes my hand. "Thanks. That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me, I think."

"Finish your lunch," I urge.

"Only if you eat too. I'm not the only one who's lost weight." She pats my hand and lets go of it so she can pick up her sandwich again.

I feel a strange, glowing sensation in the vicinity of my stomach. She noticed. She's worried. She wants to take care of me. I feel...I'd forgotten. How could I have forgotten what this feels like?

I feel loved.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: **Happy season finale day everyone! Here's another chapter to help pass the time!

**Chapter 6**

We spend most of our afternoon walking along the lakeshore or lazing on the blanket in the shade. I take a short nap with my head in Lisbon's lap, her fingers running through my hair. It's the best sleep I've had in years. I wake feeling anything is possible, even happiness.

All too soon it's time to pack up and hit the road so we can meet our colleagues—well, my colleagues—for drinks. I offer to let Lisbon drive because I'd so much rather look at her than the road, so it takes us longer to get back to Austin than it did to get to the lake. It's well worth it, though. Lisbon's shorter hair whips in the wind, blowing into her face until she tucks it behind her ear, and as she thinks through her choices her expressions change, each beautiful in its own way. I could watch her bite her lip all day.

I may be a hopeless case.

"Stop staring at me, Jane," she yells over the wind noise.

"I'm mesmerized by your beauty," I shout back. Then I realize why lines like that are meant to be murmured. Lisbon cracks up, and I start laughing in response. We guffaw for a mile or so, grinning at each other like idiots. I vaguely remember feeling like this long, long ago—the giddy rush of newly acknowledged love.

Did she ever feel this way with Pike? I doubt it.

Reality starts to set in as we arrive in Austin, though. This is where we found each other again. This is where she left me. This is where, tomorrow after she testifies at the trial, she will leave me again. At least this time I'll have the memory of her kisses to sustain me.

Lisbon looks over at me as we sit at a stoplight, then takes my hand. "It was a beautiful day, Jane," she says. "Thank you."

"The pleasure is all mine," I assure her.

"And it means so much to me that you were honest with me. I...I don't want you to think I take it lightly."

I'm hearing a "but" coming. My heart sinks, taking my happiness with it.

"I promise you I will think seriously about coming back and giving us a chance." She looks down, then glances at me. "But for tonight, can we please go back to being just friends? I don't want Marcus to hear any rumors before I have a chance to talk to him myself. Okay?"

She's right; the FBI has a ruthlessly efficient rumor mill. I squeeze her hand and sigh, releasing it.

"Lisbon, I told you that your happiness was the most important thing to me. That's still true. I will fill whatever role you allot me in your life."

She looks at me gratefully.

"But I'd like to take you to the airport," I continue. "I want to see you safely on your way." And not be relegated to a group goodbye where I have to pretend to be just her friend instead of a man who desperately loves her.

"Okay," she says.

We arrive at the bar that's the semi-official after hours gathering place for the Austin FBI office. As we get out of the car, Lisbon's phone rings, and I can tell from her expression that it's Pike calling.

"I'll tell them you'll be right in," I say with a reassuring smile.

"Thanks." She doesn't sound all that grateful, but I know it's the right thing to do.

"Tell Pike I say hi," I call over my shoulder as I head for the door.

The place is crowded already, even though it's a Monday. I spot Cho, Fischer, and Wylie at a corner booth one of them must have gotten here early to secure. I automatically measure how close Cho and Fischer are sitting and note progress. Hm. This might be the night if I put my mind to it. But would Lisbon object? I don't want to end our day on a sour note.

Cho raises his eyebrows when he sees me alone. "Lisbon get tired of you already?"

"Pike called. She'll be here in a minute," I reply, sliding into the other end of the semicircular booth, next to Wylie.

Fischer asks, "So what did you guys do today? You got some sun, I see."

"We just ran down to the lake and enjoyed the beautiful day," I reply. "Anything interesting happen at work?"

"No new case," Cho says. "Just paperwork. Which went much faster without you wandering around complaining of boredom."

"Or disappearing so we had to track you down," Fischer adds, rolling her eyes.

"You could let me put a GPS tracker in the heel of his shoe," Wylie says. I get the feeling it's not the first time he's said it.

I joke, "That would just inspire me to buy new shoes."

"Totally worth it then," Fischer says.

"Yeah," Cho agrees. "Next time he's asleep on the job, do it."

"Very funny." They sound serious, though. I need Lisbon back to defend me from schemes like this. Though she did once joke about sewing trackers into all my suits, so maybe not.

Cho raises his arm to wave Lisbon over. Her face lights up when she sees him, and she's beaming as she slides into the booth. I'm disappointed but not surprised when she sits beside Fischer rather than me; she must not trust me to keep my hands to myself.

Smart woman.

She glances at me apologetically, so I smile to reassure her I understand. Fischer asks about our day, no doubt hoping for a more satisfying answer then mine. She doesn't get it.

"We had a picnic down by the lake and walked around. We mostly just talked, though," Lisbon says. "I realized how much I miss all you guys. Tell me everything that's happened while I was gone."

I realize too late that this is going to turn into a litany of my "antics." I hate how my brilliant and clever plans sound when filtered through the lens of law enforcement pedantry. But Lisbon eats it up, laughing and occasionally saying "Jane!" in a tone that's meant to be scolding but is actually amused and occasionally delighted.

It doesn't matter how interesting the cases in DC are; she's got to be bored there after working with me.

I nurse my single beer, intent on driving Lisbon back to her hotel. Cho drinks root beers, obviously designating himself as the driver for the other two, though Wylie isn't a big drinker either. Fischer and Lisbon are hitting the whiskey though. I get Lisbon doing it; her conversation with Pike made her unhappy. Is Fischer trying to work up the nerve to make a move on Cho? I resolve to help her with it when the time comes.

We end up ordering food; nobody wants to leave and it's getting past supper time. I order the fries smothered in cheese and bacon because I know Lisbon will love them but Fischer won't touch them because she's worried about her weight for no reason and Cho will prefer the buffalo wings. I didn't anticipate Wylie trying to take half of them, though, when Lisbon kindly asks if anyone would like some. I give him a look that freezes him in his tracks, and he immediately looks at Cho for guidance. Cho shakes his head slightly, and Wylie removes his fork, saying to Lisbon, "Uh, you know what, I think I'll wait for the guacamole. Thanks though."

Lisbon kicks me under the table. Damn, that woman has good aim. "Ignore Jane," she tells Wylie. "Have some. Please."

Wylie yields to her insistence, taking a much smaller serving than he'd originally intended, though. Lisbon then pushes the plate back to me. "Oh, no," I tell her. "Those are yours."

"I ordered the artichoke dip," she replies. "Stop trying to fatten me up, Jane. You're making me feel like a turkey in November."

I sigh and eat a few of the fries, then scoop a big dollop of artichoke dip onto my plate. "Hey!" Lisbon cries in protest.

"You know I love artichokes," I smirk.

Lisbon does the only reasonable thing: she steals the entire plate of cheese fries.

"Hey, those are mine!" I say, hiding my triumph.

"A thief deserves to be stolen from," she informs me. She's had enough whiskey and Diet Coke that it doesn't occur to her that's not consistent with FBI regulations.

There's a line on the tip of my tongue about her having already stolen my heart, but she'll cringe if I say it in front of an audience, so I don't.

"Abbott's here," Cho says, before waving our boss over.

We all sit up a little straighter in surprise. I wish I was sitting beside Lisbon so I could squeeze her hand or touch our knees together to reassure her.

"Thought I'd stop by on my way home," Abbott says. He orders a club soda and sits beside me, reaching for the last wing. "Any good stories left? Lisbon, tell me your very worst Jane story. Maybe it will put things into perspective."

"Wow," Lisbon says. "It's kind of hard to pick."

Bless her heart. Her instinct is still to protect me. But she doesn't need to; Abbott knows what I am. I say, "I think the one that pissed you off the most was when I buried that murderer alive."

"That was bad," she agrees, "but what made it worse was that you did it not to solve the case, but to set up that whole Vegas con."

"But it did solve the case," I point out.

Cho says, "It was never going to hold up in court. Then he got killed by Kirkland because of your fake Red John list."

I shrug. "He deserved everything he got. It wasn't worse than what he did to his victim, and that was for money, not justice."

Lisbon says, "You don't get to decide what people deserve, Jane. The law is there for that. And people make their own choices. You only get to decide for you, not for them."

Oh, that was personal. There's silence around the table until Abbott says, "I certainly hope that's your worst Jane story."

Cho smirks. "Probably not. There are different categories. Most law breaking. Most cringeworthy. Most terrifying. Work with him long enough and you'll have a set of your own."

"Probably not as bad as the old ones," I say. "All the worst things I've done were Red John related."

"True," Lisbon says. "You've changed."

"I have," I agree, smiling affectionately. "And I hope to make more progress yet. With the help of people who care about me."

Lisbon blushes a little. Abbott raises his glass. "I'll drink to that."

"Hear, hear," Cho says, and we all toast. It's silly, but I appreciate the sentiment, even though Lisbon's help is the only thing I need.

Abbott leaves soon after, giving me a meaningful look. It amounts to a carte blanche to do whatever is necessary to get Lisbon back.

For once, I'm happy to follow orders.

Wylie heads out shortly after. I've kept an eye on everyone's alcohol consumption, so I know he's all right, but Lisbon frowns and says, "Are you okay to get home?"

"Yeah. Don't be a stranger. We miss you," he replies. "Uh, what's my share?"

"I got it." I know Lisbon isn't impressed by my monetary generosity, chalking it up to carelessness, but I feel like rewarding everyone for recognizing and appreciating Lisbon. For making her happy.

I slide out to let him out of the booth, then decide to squeeze in next to Lisbon. She rolls her eyes at me but doesn't object when I push up against her. Fischer takes the excuse to scoot closer to Cho, who lifts his arm up over the back of the seat to make room for her. They get progressively closer as we chat over the next half hour, until they're positively cuddling.

"You need a ride?" Cho asks her during a lull in the conversation.

"That'd be great. Thanks." Fischer grins at him.

Yep, tonight's the night. We all get up so they can hug Lisbon, and then they're on their way. Cho's hand slips from Fischer's lower back down to her ass, and I can't help a chuckle.

Lisbon's smiling too. "When did that happen?" she asks as we sit back down.

"I think tonight," I tell her. "I'm hoping they rub off on each other so Cho talks more and Fischer less."

"Good luck with that," she snorts.

I really want to put my arm around her, but the bar is still full of FBI agents. "Want to get out of here?"

She looks at me uncertainly. I know she isn't ready to go back to her room, but she knows better than to invite me to it. Still, we have to get up early, and it's getting late. "Yeah. I guess it's time to call it a night."

Lisbon's quiet as I pay the check and drive her to her hotel. I don't move to get out, because if I go upstairs we'll end up making love all night. She's had a lot to drink and I'm not sure I'm ready for that. Plus, she wouldn't be able to stop herself from giving it away tomorrow at the trial, and while we could trust Cho's discretion, Fischer's is questionable.

Of course, they will hopefully be preoccupied by concealing their own clandestine affair.

Lisbon puts her hand on the door handle but doesn't open it. "It was a wonderful day. I'm glad we got to spend some time together."

"Me too." My only regret is that it's over. "You don't have to say goodbye now," I remind her. "I'm taking you to the airport, remember?"

"I know. But I just... I thought I knew how much I missed you. But I didn't until I saw you again. I know I hurt you by leaving and you could have held that against me. But instead you've been so...sweet. And I really enjoyed being with you again."

I should be cool about this, tell her it's her decision and not pressure her. But the ache inside me is too fierce to ignore or cover up. I reach out a hand to cup her cheek. "Come back to me," I plead. "We can have more days like this one. I miss you so much I don't know how I've kept breathing. Seeing you again is like waking from a nightmare."

She blinks, and I feel a tear tickle my thumb. "Jane," she whispers.

"I love you," I tell her. "If you come back, I'll never let a day go by without reminding you."

She lays a hand on my cheek, looking at me earnestly. I know she wants to say the words back to me but won't let herself until she's free.

"It's okay," I whisper. "It's all going to be okay, Lisbon. I promise. Whatever you choose, I'm here for you. Anytime. For anything." I manage a smile. "Up to and including moving bodies."

That gets me a watery chuckle. "Thanks."

"Can I pick you up tomorrow?"

She shakes her head. "I'll see you in court."

"Just what a guy wants to hear," I grin.

We both hesitate, and then at the same time lean forward for a sweet, close mouthed kiss. "Call me if you can't sleep. I'll tell you about the history of mutual funds."

Lisbon laughs, giving me a big smile. "Good night, Jane. Try to sleep, okay?"

I nod. I watch her safely into the lobby, then head for the Airstream. A lot has happened today, and I need time to process it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the delay on this chapter. After the wonderful season finale, it was hard to go back to angst, no matter how temporarily! I'm still smiling like an idiot at random moments thinking about Blue Bird. So I hope this isn't too hard to swallow in our fandom euphoria. Don't worry, it's going somewhere good, I promise!

**Chapter 7 **

Given access to Lisbon's professional testimony, the prosecutor decides to dispense with mine. Obviously my reputation has preceded me. I keep Lisbon company until it's time, then go in to watch her. She's done by lunchtime, which is good because she's got a rebooked ticket for a 2 p.m. flight. We grab a quick sandwich and then are on our way.

We're pretty quiet on the drive to the airport, but Lisbon speaks up when I pull into hourly parking.

"Jane, you can just drop me at the terminal," she points out.

"What fun would that be?" I'm sticking with her until I can't anymore. And giving her a proper goodbye, which you just can't do curbside.

She smiles, knowing it's pointless to argue and not in a hurry to say goodbye either. She also knows better than to waste her breath telling me she can carry her own bag, simply taking my free hand in hers as we walk to the terminal.

I'm panicking at the thought of having to let her leave again. It nearly killed me the last time, but at least I thought she was going off to be happy. Now I know she's not. She's going back to the home she shares with another man to agonize other whether to break up with him, turning her back on the stability he offers her to come back and take a chance on me. And nobody knows better than she does what a risk I am. What if he greets her with a loving kiss and takes her to a nice dinner and their comfortable home, and she decides to play it safe? After the havoc I've wreaked on her life time and time again, safe must look pretty damn good.

I'm torn between wanting her to have the best possible life and wanting to beg her to come rescue me from the misery of mine.

We stop at a kiosk so she can print her boarding pass, and then it's off to security. I won't be able to go past there with her, so we pause.

"Don't look so sad," Lisbon says, offering me a sad smile. "We had such a good time together. Just hold onto that. I'm going to."

"Yeah," I manage to choke out. Then I set her bag down so I can pull her against me, trying not to clutch desperately at her and failing miserably. What if this is the last time I ever see her? If she decides to stay with Pike she won't risk coming back here. She'd know I'd do my level best to seduce her next time, trying to change her mind again.

"Jane." She sighs into my shoulder, then wraps her arms tightly around me. She's content to lean against me, and we savor the closeness, trying to commit it to memory. "I can't just stay. I have a job—"

"I know," I cut her off. I don't want to hear about the job Pike got her. "Just...tell me you're coming back. Even if it's not for good. Just..." My throat closes, and I can barely push out a hoarse whisper. "Just tell me this isn't going to be the last time I see you."

I try to blot my tears in her hair, but she pulls back, insistent on seeing my face. Her eyes are wet too. "Jane, this isn't goodbye forever. I promise. No matter what, we'll see each other again. Okay?" She sounds like she's about to burst into tears too.

Our kiss is distinctly salty. I'm perfectly fine with kissing her until I pass out from lack of air, but Lisbon is more practical, so she pulls away first, reaching up to wipe the tears from my face as she blinks back her own.

"I love you," I whisper.

"I miss you already," she whispers back. "But I have to go."

"I know." I pick up her bag and hand it to her.

"You be safe," she commands. "Do what Cho and Fischer tell you in the field. If I get a call that you're in the hospital I'll kick your ass."

"Only if you take better care of yourself," I respond. "No more losing weight. Treat yourself to a bearclaw at least twice a week. And lattes. Deal?"

"Deal." We shake on it, and then I pull her back into my arms for another desperate kiss. She has a much harder job getting me to let go this time. "I have to go," she whispers, anguished.

I'm making this too hard for her. I need to stop. "Text me when you get home safe," I tell her.

"I will. And I'll let you know when...what I decide."

"Call me," I urge her as she begins, slowly, to walk away. "Anytime. Day or night."

"I will," she promises.

I stay where I am, watching her through the short security line. She looks back once or twice to see that I'm still there, and we smile bravely at each other. Then she's through the other side, and I stand on tiptoe to catch the last glimpse of her.

She turn around suddenly, and my heart leaps with hope. But she just stands there, looking forlorn, instead of coming back. I blow her a kiss to take with her, and she smiles, holding up a hand to catch it and press it to her lips. Then she blows one back, and I do the same. We grin at each other, amused by the little bit of silliness, until they start calling her flight to board.

And then she is gone.

mmm

There's no point going to the office, but I don't have anywhere else to go, so I huddle miserably on my couch and stare at Lisbon's empty desk. Everybody does their best to pretend I'm not there for most of the afternoon, except when Wylie brings me a cupcake.

"It's Wilkerson's birthday," he says, holding it out awkwardly. The hopeful expression on his face penetrates my Stygian gloom, and I hear Lisbon's voice in my head telling me to play nice with the other kids.

"Thanks." It's a horrible store bought confection, probably more chemical than food, but why would I want to live forever anyway? I take a bite, aware of Cho pretending not to watch me out of the corner of his eye.

The sickly sweet taste makes me thirsty, so I bestir myself to go make a cup of tea. I pretend not to notice Wylie and Cho's fist bump of victory at getting me on my feet.

The time will pass more quickly if I'm busy. Fortified with tea, I finish the cupcake, thinking how Lisbon loves them, and then wander out to Cho's desk. "If this lull keeps up, I may have to go out and murder someone myself to keep us from dying of boredom."

Cho looks alarmed for a second, and it dawns on me that by his reckoning I've murdered two people, so I can't complain if he thinks me capable of more. "Joke," I assure him.

"Uh huh." He leans back in his chair and folds his arms. "So, is Lisbon coming back?"

"I don't know."

"Couldn't think up a foolproof plan, huh?"

I sigh. "Sometimes you have to let people make their own choices, Cho."

"Yeah, but you seem to be confused about which times those are. Here. Have a cold case. Come up with some suspects you can annoy." He hands me a folder.

I study the case file and make a plan to spend tomorrow in San Antonio talking to suspects until it's quitting time. I'm just leaving when I get my promised text from Lisbon.

_Landed safe. Going to dinner with M, so we can talk. I'll call you tomorrow._

_Good luck. I love you,_ I reply.

There's a pause before she texts back, _I miss you._

She's using that as a euphemism for "I love you," I realize. Because she's allowed to miss me without betraying Pike, but she's not supposed to love me.

But she does.

The big question is, what will she do about it?

I think back to my initial impulse when I realized she really was planning to go. I had a scheme all set up involving a cold case in Miami, a beautiful hotel, romantic ambiance, and letting Lisbon think she'd solved a case instead of me. Once the culprit was safely in cuffs, we'd take a stroll on the beach in starlight and I'd tell her how much she meant to me and kiss her while the waves lapped at our bare toes. It would be perfect, and she would let me make love to her because in her heart that is what she's wanted for years. And the next morning I'd wake her with kisses and beg her not to go, and she'd stay.

But then I came to my senses and came up with the much harder plan to let her go gracefully.

I text back, _I miss you more._ Because it's true. Love lost the second time around is more agonizing, because I knew what I was in for and I still couldn't stop myself.

_I'll call you tomorrow_, she promises.

I have to be content with that. _I'll be waiting._

Good thing I have a murderer to keep me occupied. The ones that think they've gotten away with it are cocky. I'll be done in time for her call.

mmm

We're back in the office by quitting time, murderer apprehended. Abbott comes out to congratulate us, then drags me into his office. Surely that shop owner isn't following through on his threat to sue? Yes, there was some damage to his front window, but I caught his sister's killer. Isn't that worth more?

"I had an interesting phone call," Abbott says.

He looks way too happy to be calling me in about a lawsuit. "Oh?" I prompt.

"From Teresa Lisbon. She wanted to know if her job was still open."

"Which it is," I say, concealing my giddy rush of hope.

"Yes. But not necessarily hers for the asking," Abbott says.

Oh, no. He's not going to do anything to screw this up. "You have some complaints about her prior performance?"

"No." He looks at me closely, folding his hands on his desk. "I have complaints that she left and turned my prize asset into a morose embodied poltergeist who haunts the office and puts the absolute minimum effort into solving cases."

"And you think the remedy for that is to keep her from coming back?" He's got something up his sleeve, because he knows perfectly well he should be begging Lisbon on bended knee to come back.

"No. But I told her I would only offer her the job if she committed to staying through your term of service to us." He grimaces. "I'm not going through this crap again."

"And what did she say?" My heart is pounding with anticipation and dread.

"That she'd think about it. My advice to you, Jane, is to get your head out of your ass and tell her whatever she needs to hear."

"Excellent advice." I try not to let my disappointment show. Lisbon is just making sure she knows what her options are. Still, it means she hasn't decided to stay in DC, so that's something.

Abbott says dryly, "I have my moments. Now, would you like to go call her, or shall we talk about this bill for damages I was just emailed?"

I grin, getting up. "Bills aren't my department. See you in the morning!"

mmm

I've just walked into the Airstream when my phone rings. "Hey," I greet Lisbon eagerly. "How are you?"

"Exhausted," she sighs. "I was up late last night. I talked to Marcus about our...my situation. We finally decided to sleep on it and regroup tonight. But he got hung up at the office, and he's leaving for Rome in the morning."

"I heard you talked to Abbott," I say.

"I just wanted to see what my options are."

"Don't worry about him," I tell her. "He'll take you back on your terms. I'll make sure of it."

"No, Jane. I'll do my own negotiating."

"Does that mean you've decided?"

There's a pause before she says, "No. It's a big decision."

"It is," I agree. "But I want you to know that if you want to come back, I'll do everything I can to help. I'll find you another house to rent, get your stuff out of storage. Anything you need."

"Thanks."

"I'm happy to do it. I love you."

She sighs, because she'll never get tired of hearing that but she feels she shouldn't enjoy it so much as long as she's with Marcus.

I don't want her sleep deprived on the job with no one to bring her coffee, so I say, "Get some sleep, Teresa. And be safe out there."

She snorts a little. "I'm always careful. Unlike some other people I could mention. Promise me you won't do anything reckless."

"I'll take only the most finely calculated risks," I say. "The promise of seeing you again is a powerful incentive to live."

"Good. I'll call you tomorrow night. Sweet dreams."

"You too. Good night." I don't want to say goodbye to her ever again.

"Good night." She says it softly, but doesn't hang up right away. We listen to each other breathe for a minute before she disconnects.

I sigh as I set my phone down. At least I know she hasn't decided against me.

But it's still going to be a long night.

mmm

The next day drags. It's as if all the murderers out there decided to conspire with the universe to make my misery complete: no Lisbon and no case to take my mind off her.

After lunch I decide to be optimistic and commandeer the computer on Lisbon's desk to search for a nice house for her to rent. Since I hope to live with her in the not-too-distant future, it makes sense for me to ensure she has a nice one. The one she was in is already off the market, but maybe that's for the best, since Pike spent the night there at least once that I know of. Better for us to start fresh.

I find some possibilities and make a note of the addresses. I'll take a drive tomorrow and check them out. It'll be a nice outing in the convertible, which I decided to keep a little longer. Lisbon loved it, even though she wouldn't say it, and I'm not ready to part with that trunk hood that held her beautiful ass while I groped it and tried to kiss her into staying with me.

But for now it's time to head home so I can talk freely when she calls.

I fix a simple supper and read. It's getting late, and it's even later in DC. Did she get called out on a case? Is she in trouble? What if she's hurt?

I try her cell. It goes straight to voicemail.

Now my imagination is really running wild. If she got shot, would anybody think to call me? No, they'd call Pike, who's overseas right now. She could be dying alone right now while I sit here!

I'm on my feet, with no clear plan of action, when a knock on my door startles me. I'm instantly annoyed. What does Mrs. Gregory want now? I need to find a trailer park with a less nosy manager.

I paste a fake smile on my face as I open the door. "Good evening."

Then I freeze in shock. Am I hallucinating? Did someone slip belladonna into my tea? Maybe I fell and hit my head?

"Hey," Lisbon says, looking at me hopefully.

"You're here," I say idiotically.

"Yeah. I realized...this wasn't something Marcus and I needed to work through together. This is something I need to do for myself. Because I'll never stop wondering what it's like if I don't give it a chance. Because I...I love you. And I miss you. And I never want to go another day not being able to see you."

I feel my face stretch into a huge smile and step out of the door to scoop her into my arms.

I am never, ever letting her go again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: **This is the long-awaited M chapter. If that's not your thing, you can duck out when the clothes start to come off. You won't miss any plot, just Jane and Lisbon testing the Airstream's shock absorbers a bit. :) Plot, such as it is, resumes next chapter. Either way, thanks for reading!

**Chapter 8**

Lisbon is a truly talented hugger. How have I never realized that before? She's tiny pressed up against me, but her graceful arms are strong enough to hold me up, squeezing me tightly. Almost as if she's afraid to let me go.

A dog barks nearby, reminding us both that we're out in the open. I pull back reluctantly, catching Lisbon's hand to pull her toward the door.

"My stuff," she says, looking over her shoulder. I follow her gaze and realize she's got a large duffle bag and two big suitcases with her, probably holding all the clothes she owns. She didn't take much else to DC; the FBI paid for Pike's relocation but not hers due to some ridiculous bureaucratic rule, so she left her furniture and things in storage here. I think their plan was to buy a house eventually and then retrieve her things when they had more rooms to furnish.

"Moving in?" I ask, grinning like a madman.

"Well," she says, adorably uncertain under her teasing tone, "I guess I could get a hotel room."

"Would you prefer that? I'll spring for a luxury suite," I offer. I know she's not a fan of my Airstream, so her willingness to consider staying in it for any length of time is a testament to either love or desperation.

"No." She shakes her head as she turns to grab the nearest suitcase. It must weigh about as much as she does, so I gently take it from her and drag it toward the door.

"You pack the Washington Monument in here?" I ask, only half kidding.

"Just pieces of it." She rolls her eyes as she grabs the other one, slinging the duffel over her shoulder.

We spend the next few minutes getting her luggage inside and figuring out where to stow it. Lisbon, ever the practical soul, packed her immediate necessities in the duffel, so that's the only thing she needs tonight.

When that's done and the door is closed and locked, I turn to face her, and we smile tentatively at each other. It's suddenly awkward.

"Do you need some time?" I ask her, reaching out to stroke her hair and slide the shorter strands through my fingers. Though the short hair is attractive, as I always knew it would be, I can't help hoping she'll grow it out again. I'm a creature of habit, so my impulse will always be to want things the way they used to be. I want to push a reset button and make it so the last three months never happened.

But they did, and she woke up this morning in a home she shared with another man.

"No," she says softly. "We've lost too much time already." One corner of her mouth quirks up. "Which I expect you to make up to me since it was your fault."

"Hey," I protest, "I told you to do what made you happy. It's not my fault you made a mistake."

"I made the best decision I could with the available information," she retorts. "You were the one holding out."

"Yeah," I admit, sighing. "Yeah, okay, that one's on me."

She smiles, looking at me so lovingly it takes my breath away. Then she lifts a hand to stroke my cheek, her gaze turning thoughtful. "Do you need some time?"

"Me?" I'm taken completely by surprise for the second time tonight.

"Yeah. I know you weren't expecting me. Do you...want me to go to a hotel?"

"No!" I clutch at her shoulders to hold her in place. I never want to be without her again. I won't be able to sleep if she goes, and even if I do, I'm afraid I'll wake up and think it's all a dream.

"We don't have to, um, do anything you're not ready for," she begins, then bites her lip, glancing up at me uncertainly. "We can just sleep. It's late."

I feel a grin spread over my face and hope it's sexy rather than goofy. "Oh no you don't. You can't show up on my doorstep in the middle of the night with all your baggage and look at me with those doe eyes and plump, wet lips and play the innocent. You came here for sex, Teresa. And because I love you to the point of madness, you can have it. That, and anything else you want."

"I didn't come here for sex," she protests.

"Then what did you come for?" I shouldn't tease her, but I can't help it.

She bites her lip again, and I lean down to soothe it with my tongue. "You came here for love," I whisper against her mouth. "And love you shall have. In abundance."

Our mouths fuse together, tongues sliding against each other, and I move my hands slowly down her back until I can cup her ass and pull her flush against me. She hums in approval at the evidence of my desire and begins wriggling out of her jacket.

"Hm mm," I protest into her mouth, stopping her hands. She makes a little noise of disappointment and tries to pull away, but I lean heavily into the kiss and strip her jacket off in one smooth move.

Nice to know I haven't forgotten everything.

Lisbon retaliates by attacking my shirt buttons, since I had taken my jacket off when I got home. We spend a pleasant few minutes undressing each other as I walk us toward my bed, giggling when we bump into things. We have to stop kissing to laugh when I nearly topple us both over as I toe off my shoes to get rid of the pants around my ankles.

"Not the slick seduction you were expecting?" I ask as I slide her bra down her arms, taking one last glance at her face before I ogle her naked breasts. I've wanted to see those for years. They are worth the wait.

"I only want you to be honest with me," she gasps out as I bend down to place a kiss between her breasts, followed by a little lick. Her skin is salty; she sweated today. Not surprising given that she hauled approximately two tons of luggage from DC to here. I hate the thought of her struggling with it by herself. I'm going to do my best to see that she never has to struggle with anything again.

"I can do that," I tell her. And then, as I sprinkle little kisses around her breasts everywhere but where she really wants me to, I add, "I love you. I never intended to. Never thought I could. But you showed me I hadn't buried my heart after all. I'll always adore you for that."

She thrusts her hands into my hair, scraping her nails along my scalp. I can smell her arousal and it goes straight to the most primitive part of my brain, so I slip my hand inside her cotton panties and dip a finger into her. She gasps a little, then pants lightly as I withdraw my hand and bring it to my mouth, sucking her juices off my finger.

"You're delicious," I tell her, my voice deep and rough with arousal. "Oh, I'm never going to get enough of you."

"My turn," she breathes, reaching for my boxers and gently maneuvering them over my full erection. Then she takes me in hand, and I let out a strangled yelp at the feel of her strong little fingers squeezing and stroking.

"I'm, uh, on the edge," I manage to choke out.

"Hmmm," Lisbon muses, her eyes never leaving my cock. "I know it's been a while. If we take care of you first, think you'll be up for an encore?"

"I have no idea," I have to admit. I didn't have any desire for a repeat with Lorelei, and I was much younger the last time Angela and I indulged in a marathon. I don't actually know what my body will do.

Lisbon smiles reassuringly at me. "I'm not going to complain, whatever happens. Okay? I love you. And I know what you've been through."

Dammit, I don't want her making allowances for me in the bedroom. She's had so much to put up with on the job; she shouldn't have to be patient at home too. "I love you," I say hoarsely. "I'll do my best for you."

"I know you will." Her smile turns mischievous. "I've always fantasizedl about your hands, anyway. So I'll take my chances."

That's my Lisbon.

It feels surreal as she sinks to her knees in front of me, and when she tilts her head to run her tongue along the underside of my cock, I have to close my eyes and count backwards from twenty in German to keep from coming there and then.

I haven't even dared to fantasize about this. It didn't seem right, somehow, or likely. I always figured Lisbon would be aggressive and demanding, given her habit of command. But I should have factored in her generous, nurturing side.

It's all over in an embarrassingly short time, but Lisbon doesn't seem disappointed as she gets to her feet, my semen dripping down the valley between her breasts, where she cradled me as I cried out in warning. She's so unbearably sexy I can hardly believe I'm not dreaming.

Then she shimmies out of her panties and sits down on the bed, scooting back. "Okay," she says. "Now you can impress me."

I grin. As much as I want to get my mouth between her legs, I have a long, long list of places to explore first. I crawl over her, admiring the fan of her hair against my sheets, then kiss her mouth gently, thoroughly. "Thank you," I whisper.

She smiles. "I don't do that for just anybody, you know."

I kiss her again, because I was consciously trying not to wonder if she'd treated Pike to that delirious pleasure. Then I randomly kiss along her collarbone and along the sides of her breasts, ignoring the rosy nipples straining for my attention.

I burrow my nose into her armpits, making her squirm. "Ticklish?"

"Jane, that's gross. I've had a long day," she protests. "I smell."

"You smell like you," I say. "Did you know smell is the sense connected most directly to memory?" I nuzzle the soft skin of her underarm, sniffing. She used a baby powder scented deodorant this morning; there's a faint trace of it still. "It's not gross to me. It's basic, primal. The scent of my mate."

She lets out a brief, high chuckle. "Don't expect me to sniff your armpits anytime soon."

I make a bet with myself that I can get her to do so. Lisbon is used to casual sex, and her relationship with Pike was superficial at best. She doesn't know how intense, how primal sex can be between two people whose hearts are mated for life. I'm going to make it my mission to peel away her civilized persona and get to the hungry animal heart of her. She will be safe with me, so she doesn't have to conceal anything. I'll prove it to her. Maybe not tonight, but soon.

She's shifting restlessly beneath me, her arousal in danger of souring into frustration. I fasten my mouth to her breast, sucking powerfully, and she arches up with a startled cry. Using my hand to stimulate her other breast, I lick and nip and growl until she's making little keening cries. She's on the verge, and I feel a surge of pride and love.

One of her hands sneaks down between her legs, and I clasp it in mine, pulling it away. No, you don't, naughty girl, I think, smiling wickedly at her. That's my job.

Keeping my eyes on hers, I put my mouth back on her nipple, covering just the tip and sucking lightly. Then, slowly, I pull my lips away and replace them with my teeth, just grazing her.

Lisbon lets out a sob, not seeming to realize it, her eyes still fixed on mine. I grin at her, winking.

Then I bite down.

She arches her back and screams, coming so hard she nearly throws me off her. I use my weight to pin her down and soothe her nipple with my tongue, then kiss her shoulder gently, stretching up to reach her jawline. She's rubbing herself against me, prolonging her orgasm; I can feel the hard nub of her clitoris amid the hot wet flesh pressing against my lower stomach.

"Beautiful," I whisper.

"God, Jane," she gasps. "I should have spent more time fantasizing about your mouth."

I have to chuckle. "Well, you will now."

"Damn straight," she sighs, relaxing until she's limp. I'm careful not to rest my whole weight on her, letting her recover a little despite my euphoria at the return of my erection, hopefully with more staying power this time.

I kiss her lips again, then roll off her to lie on my side.

"Well, look who's back," Lisbon coos, smiling at my stiff cock.

"Neither of us can stay away from you," I say. I splay my hand on her stomach, amazed at how much of it I cover. Then, slowly, I move lower until I can scratch lightly at her springy tight curls and then finally slide my fingers along her plump labia. She's very wet, and I work three fingers into her with only slight resistance. She's tight, but she's relaxed from her orgasm and dripping wet, so I'm confident it won't be uncomfortable for her.

"On the pill, sweetheart?" I ask. It's too soon for babies, or possibly too late, but either way tonight is not the night.

"Yes," she breathes, watching my face with glowing eyes.

"Do you want me to use a condom?" I ask, still massaging her with my fingers. There's a slight roughening about halfway up, and I focus on rubbing that, making her breathing speed up.

"Do you have one?" she retorts, obviously knowing I don't.

"No."

"Then stop asking stupid questions. I've been careful," she tells me.

I grin, kissing the tip of her nose. "Until now."

"You always make me want to break the rules," she says, her voice hitching a little.

I turn my hand inside her, making her groan and then suck in a deep breath, so I can rub the pad of my thumb on the end of her clit. Lisbon closes her eyes and arches her hips up, trying to bring my fingers deeper inside. A little waggling, a little rubbing, and she comes again, not as violently this time.

I stroke her gently as she comes back down, then suck the liquid from my fingers, humming with pleasure. She watches me from under half-closed lids, half dazed with pleasure, as I hover over her, teasing her entrance with the tip of my aching cock. "Ready, love?"

"Past ready," she says, managing to put an edge into her tone despite her utterly relaxed state.

I slide in about an inch, then stop. She's closed her eyes, smiling, but they flutter open when I pause. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just want you to look at me while we make love for the first time," I tell her. "This isn't sex. This is a mating. Tell me you know that."

"I know," she says solemnly. "I've wanted this so long. I'm not taking it lightly."

"Good." I smile. "Hang on tight."

I slide all the way in with one powerful stroke, pushing up against the bottom of her. Lisbon's eyes go wide, and she wraps all four limbs around me, her heels resting against my ass.

I pause, closing my eyes to better focus on the sensation of being fully embedded in the woman I love. I never thought I'd have this again. I didn't think I was capable, and then I didn't think I'd ever have the chance. But here we are. By some miracle, we've found our way to each other after all. And now that we have, the wrong turns along the way don't matter. From here, we travel together, so the road will always be the right one.

I feel Lisbon's fingertips on my cheeks, but it's only when I open my eyes that I realize I'm weeping. She's frowning in concern. "Are you okay?"

"I'm good," I say hoarsely. "I'm great."

She leans up to kiss me, and I groan at the change in angle. Fiery arousal lights up all my nerve endings, and I begin to move, tentatively at first but then harder and faster at Lisbon's urging.

"I'm your lover," I gasp out. "And you're mine."

Lisbon beams at me, looking a little misty herself. "Yes. You're mine. Finally."

"Say my name," I ask, the intensity of her body surrounding me verging on overwhelming.

"Jane," she says affectionately.

"The other one," I clarify.

Lisbon smiles. Then, as if she's sharing a salacious secret, she leans up and touches her lips to my ear. "Patrick."

"Teresa," I groan, and then I explode inside her, burying my face in her neck as I gush for what feels like a minor eternity.

Well, damn. I wanted her to come again. I shift my hips, still inside her, nudging experimentally. She shakes her head, sliding her legs down the back of mine. "I'm good," she assures me. "That was perfect. I loved being able to feel you inside me without chasing an orgasm."

My brain emptied itself about the same time my cock did, so I can't tell if she's humoring me. I decide to let it go. I'll make it up to her later. In the morning.

I yawn, rolling off her and sliding out of her with an undignified plopping sound. Lisbon quickly settles herself against my side, pushing me over a bit so she isn't lying in the wet spot and throwing her leg across both of mine.

I should get up and clean us up, but I'm wrung out. Lisbon lays her palm over my heart and smiles against my neck, seemingly content, so I give up on the idea. Instead, I move my hand up and down her back, listening to her breathing slow in tandem with mine. When I hear hers change and realize she's asleep, I let go and surrender too, hoping this is the night I'll dream about.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: **Here we are at the end. I do have a sequel in mind, though I might do a story that's been floating around my head since Blue Bird first. It's a long hiatus, so I'm betting I'll get around to everything eventually! Thank you so much for reading, and for those of you who've reviewed, big hugs. I love reviews like Jane loves tea.

Oh, and I should mention the first part of this chapter is Mish. Turns out one chapter wasn't enough for our happy couple. Skip ahead a few pages if that's not what you're here for. :)

**Chapter 9**

Lisbon is not a morning person. This is a fact I've been aware of for as long as I've known her. So when I wake at dawn to find her lying on her stomach beside me, I nuzzle the back of her neck without any real expectation of being allowed to put my morning erection to use.

"Mm." She blinks and yawns, not quite awake.

"Good morning, my love," I say, kissing her cheek. "I'm afraid I don't have any coffee."

She makes a cute little unhappy grunt. "Lemme guess. You wanna get my heart going without caffeine."

I chuckle against her shoulder blade. "Even I have more of a sense of self preservation than that. Feeling like a latte? Or is it an espresso day?"

"We hafta get up?" She pouts, eyes still closed. It's a good thing she never pouted at work; I would have done anything she wanted every time.

It's a work day, but I'm not sure of her employment status at the moment and I don't care if I play hooky. "No. It's early."

"Then stop talking," she grumbles.

Well, at least she didn't tell me to stop kissing. I focus on that for a while, enjoying the warm silk of her skin and the strong bone and muscle beneath. Mapping her back is the most pleasant way I've spent a morning in...well, a very long time. I memorize the textures of her spine as I move down it, slowly pulling the sheet out of the way as I make my way to the beautifully defined muscles of her ass. She moans and shifts a little as I sprinkle kisses on each globe and gives a breathy giggle as I run my tongue along the place where her ass and thigh meet.

"Awake yet?" I tease.

"Hm mm." She buries her face in her pillow.

I yield to impulse and bite, careful not to break the skin, just holding some of the firm muscle and creamy skin between my teeth for a moment. She lets out a squeak of surprise and lifts her head to stare at me. I grin at her and soothe the spot with my tongue, feeling smug that she'll remember this moment every time she sits down today.

Then I dip lower, exploring her sex with my nose and tongue. Lisbon obligingly spreads her legs to give me better access, surprising me. Perhaps morning sex is on the table after all.

"Sore, sweetheart?" I ask as she squirms a little.

"Hm mm," she responds.

I am, but then, I'm much further out of practice than she is. Did Pike get her accustomed to erotic wake up calls?

With a sigh, I abandon my explorations and move back up the bed, resting my head beside hers on the pillow. She opens one eye and frowns at me. "Why'd you stop?"

"You don't seem that into it," I reply. "Would you like some breakfast? I have some Lipton to tide you over until we find coffee."

Both eyes open now, she looks perplexed. "I'm not hungry. I thought we were having sex."

"Only if you really want to." She tried very hard with Pike; I'm concerned she might have fallen into the habit of passive acceptance. That's not the Lisbon I want. I love her feistiness.

"Yeah, I do. I just don't do enthusiasm this early," she says.

"I don't want you to feel like you have to, ah, indulge me."

She snorts. "Oh, for God's sake, Jane. If you do something I don't like, I'll let you know, okay? I'm all for more sex. I just don't want to put a lot of effort into it at this time of day. Go for it, but you get to do the work."

"You're such a romantic," I chuckle, stroking her cheek and tucking her short hair behind her ear.

She rolls her eyes. "I'll roll over if you want."

"No, no, don't bother. You're good like this."

I go back to getting her ready, then finally slip into her. She's so tight in this position it takes more effort, but after a minute I'm able to set up a nice, leisurely rhythm, gliding in and out while savoring the sensual feast. I hope Lisbon's doing the same, but I realize my mistake when she yawns.

"You're not falling asleep, are you?" I ask, not really joking.

"No, I'm awake," she assures me. "Don't worry about it. I never come in the mornings."

Now that was a dare, whether she realizes it or not. "Never ever?"

"No. Just do what you want." She yawns again.

"My dear," I say, "I am a selfish bastard in almost every way possible, but never in bed. And just because you don't normally come in the morning doesn't mean you can't."

"This is fine," she insists. "It feels nice."

Fine? Nice? There's no way I can allow that to stand. I take stock of the situation. While her body is open and pliant, she's showing absolutely no sign of approaching orgasm. Slow and sweet is apparently not going to do it for her. But then I always suspected Lisbon liked it hot and fast and maybe a little rough.

I plant one last kiss on her shoulder, then pull out of her to reposition us. Sitting on my knees, I pull her up into my lap so I've got a better angle, then slide back inside her and lean forward to rest my hands on the wall.

Lisbon's breathing speeds up a bit. "What are you doing?"

"Waking you up," I reply. I pull almost all the way out and then slam back in, throwing my weight into it.

Lisbon cries out, partly in surprise but mostly in pleasure. "Jane—"

"Patrick," I correct her.

She scrambles to get her knees under her so she can get some leverage to meet my thrusts. "Patrick," she gasps as the bed shakes under our movements. Hell, I think the whole Airstream might be moving.

We don't talk for the next few minutes, the intensity of our lovemaking leaving us only enough breath to produce groans and gasps. Finally I feel her tense around me, and she lifts one hand, flailing for a second until she finds mine and entwines our fingers. I bend and whisper in her ear, "Welcome to morning orgasms."

She comes, not as hard as last night but definitely nothing to sneeze at. I thrust through the sweet agony of her body clutching hard at mine, then let myself go before collapsing on her and rolling off. I'm panting through my smug grin, and Lisbon smacks me lightly on the shoulder when she notices. "You just have to prove me wrong, don't you?"

"Be careful what you tell me is impossible," I agree. "For instance, I won't be held responsible if you tell me you can't come in an elevator. Or an office bathroom. Or—"

"I get the idea," she says dryly. "In that case, I can definitely come in Abbott's office. No question. No need to prove anything there."

I chuckle. "On his desk?"

"Sure," she says. "He likes that."

I stop laughing. "No teasing me about you being with other men," I say firmly.

"Too soon? Sorry." She looks at me with regret and strokes my cheek, and I kiss her palm to let her know she's forgiven.

"Speaking of Abbott, do we need to talk to him? How did you leave things in DC?"

Lisbon sighs. "I talked to Don before I left, told him I needed to come back here for personal reasons. He was okay with me taking unpaid leave instead of serving out my notice. I can get back pay if I convince Abbott to transfer me back here."

"He will." I'll make sure of it. "Don't worry about his so-called conditions. I'll take care of it."

She shrugs. "It's not like I'm going to leave again. Not while you're here, anyway."

"I don't want you to feel trapped. Especially if I screw things up."

She frowns at me. "Jane, since I've known you, you've screwed things up for me in just about every way known to man. What exactly do you think you're going to do that would make me leave you?"

"I'm going to drive you crazy hovering, being overprotective," I say. "I'm...I've been terrified of letting anyone close to me. For obvious reasons. But since I have anyway, at the slightest sign you're in danger I'm going to go berserk. That thing with Haibach was partly because I was afraid he was going after you next."

"I will be careful," she says. "But you have to be careful too. I don't want to lose you any more than you want to lose me. I don't want to be the one left behind either. Okay?"

It really never occurred to me before that she would take my death as hard as I took Angela's, complete with a guilt chaser because she thinks it's her job to save me. I never want that for her. Never.

I pull her into my arms and hold her tightly. "I won't leave you behind. I'll be more careful."

"I'm holding you to that," she says fiercely.

I stroke her back comfortingly. "Does Pike know you've left him?"

"Yes," she sighs into my shoulder. "When he was going out the door he asked if I'd be there when he got back. I told him no. We, uh, we said our goodbye. I left him a letter to explain things better, but he's not under any illusion I'm coming back."

I figured she'd made a clean break when she wanted to make love, but I feel better after hearing it. "I looked at some houses online. We can make some appointments today."

"You knew I was coming back?"

"Hoped. Would you rather go ahead and buy instead of rent? I can kick in my half. Or more." She gets that little crinkle between her brows, and I realize I'm pushing her. "Only if you're ready. I can wait. I'm all set here." I smile reassuringly.

She strokes my cheek again. "It's been a long time since you've had a home," she muses gently.

"Yes." Going on 13 years, in fact. "But I'd like to make one with you. I...I felt safe at the CBI, there in the bullpen. But the closest I felt to being at home was in your office, because you were there. You're what I need to make a home, Teresa. When you're ready."

She kisses me tenderly. "Let's do it."

"Are you sure?"

"I...I think I was more attracted to the idea of being part of a couple than I was to Marcus," she admits, biting her lip. "That's something I want. I want it with you. But if you're not ready, I understand."

"I want that. I want to make a home with you, a life with you. I want to move forward but I need your help."

"You have it," she says, smiling at me a little tearfully. "You can always have anything I have to give, Ja—Patrick."

I smile back, wondering how long I'm going to be "Ja—Patrick" before she gets used to calling me by my first name. "Then let's go house hunting."

"Don't you have to work?"

"Meh. They won't miss me."

I have about two seconds to realize I just tempted fate before my phone starts ringing. I bury my face in Lisbon's neck, determined to ignore it.

"Jane," she chides. "You need to answer it."

"If it's bothering you, you answer it," I grumble.

She ignores that suggestion, as I knew she would. "If it's Cho and he doesn't get an answer, you know he's going to come check on you."

There's no arguing with that. I groan and lever myself out of bed, searching for my suit jacket and digging the phone out. It's already stopped ringing, but I see it was indeed Cho. I call him back. "What can I do for you?" I say when he picks up.

"We got a case. Abbott wants you in the office."

"I'm not feeling up to it today," I tell him. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Uh huh. He said if you said that, I should tell you to get your ass out of bed and bring Lisbon with you."

I glance over at her. She's sitting up, not bothering to cover herself, and I have to ask Cho to repeat what he just said.

"I said, bring Lisbon. Is she there?"

"Uh." I raise my eyebrows at her questioningly. "Why would Lisbon be here?"

She sighs and gets out of bed, reaching for the phone. I hand it to her and then eavesdrop shamelessly. "Hi, Cho. So Abbott knows I'm here?"

"Yeah. Bring Jane in back to his old self and you can write your own ticket," Cho says, but more quietly, as if he doesn't want to be overheard.

"Thanks. We'll be there in an hour."

"Good to have you back," Cho says, then hangs up.

"I'll take the first shower if you don't mind," Lisbon says. "The bed needs stripped if you need to keep busy."

"Yes, dear." I kiss her on the cheek. "Eggs for breakfast?"

"Sure."

I grin as I start pulling the sheets off the bed. A visit to the laundromat is definitely in order; good thing I have a spare set. Then I get started on breakfast for two. This is going to be a good day. A great day.

The first day of my new life with Lisbon.

mmm

An hour later, we walk into the building together. Apparently the grapevine hasn't had time to spread the word through the entire building yet, because no one comments as we make our way to the elevator. When the doors open to our floor, I lay a hand on the small of her back for reassurance.

Cho, Fischer, and Wylie are standing there beaming at us, wanting Lisbon hugs. After getting hers, Fischer says, "Welcome back."

"I'm not officially back," Lisbon points out.

"Abbott wants to see you," Fischer says. "Go get it straightened out and we'll get to work."

Lisbon glances at me, then heads in that direction. I go with her, a little unsure she wants me there. This is her job we're talking about, and she's never wanted me to interfere with that. But she doesn't tell me to go, so I enter Abbott's office and close the door behind us.

"Nice of you to join us," Abbott says to me dryly as we sit.

"I had something important to do," I reply. The proper care and feeding—and caffeination—of Lisbon is now my full time job.

"And Agent Lisbon. Don called me yesterday evening to let me know you expressed a desire to transfer back."

"Yes, sir," Lisbon says. She's sitting up straight, nervous.

"As I told you on the phone, while your position is still open, this building does not have a revolving door for a reason." Abbott fixes her with a serious gaze. "If you come back, I expect you to stay long enough to make the paperwork worth my time."

"Yes, sir. As you know, I left for personal reasons," Lisbon replies. "My situation has changed. Permanently. I won't have a reason to leave again."

Abbott raises his eyebrows, then looks at me. "Seems to me that's partly in your hands, Jane."

"She won't be leaving again," I say. No matter how bad I screw up, I will make amends. I will never let her leave me again, no matter what I have to do.

"Well." Abbott sits back in his chair. "If you two are sure you have things worked out, then my only remaining concern is how your relationship will affect the smooth functioning of the team. Keep the lovey-dovey stuff out of the office."

I can't resist saying, "Does that include the elevator?"

Lisbon elbows me painfully, accompanied by a glare clearly threatening dire consequences if I don't shut up.

"All spaces on this property," Abbott clarifies. "Or during work hours no matter where you are."

"We understand," Lisbon says, giving me a look that makes it plain our promising sex life is dependent on my understanding of and adherence to this rule.

"All work, no play. Got it," I say.

Abbott looks skeptical, but he turns back to Lisbon. "Then I will start the transfer paperwork. And I'll remind you that vacation requests must be submitted as far in advance as possible, so if you're planning a honeymoon, talk to me first."

"You'll be among the first to know," I assure him. After this, I'm pretty sure we owe him an invitation to the wedding at the very least.

"Good. I should also be among the first to know of any impending maternity leave so I can make field assignments accordingly."

Lisbon blushes a little and says, "If that happens, we'll let you know."

"Good." He smiles at us. "Welcome back, Agent Lisbon. We've missed you."

"I've missed you too, sir," Lisbon says with a grin.

"Then let's get back to work. Fischer has your assignments."

We're clearly dismissed, so we head back out to the bullpen, where Fischer is waiting to start the briefing. I barely listen, busy reveling in the fact that Lisbon's sitting next to me again. After a few minutes, Fischer stops talking and we all get up. I follow Lisbon toward the elevator, but Fischer says, "Jane, you're with me."

"Hm? No." I turn to frown at her. "I'm with Lisbon."

"She's not officially back yet. And you're a consultant. She's with Cho and you're with me." Fischer folds her arms.

Lisbon jostles my arm to break my staring contest with Fischer. "Behave," she whispers.

I pout at her, but she winks to assure me she'll make it worth my while. So I give in. "Fine."

As we all head for the elevator, I note that Cho has his hand on Fischer's back and smirk. Once the doors close on the four of us, I say, "Abbott was just reminding us of the rules for honeymoon and maternity leaves."

"Jane!" Lisbon hisses, kicking me painfully in the instep.

"Ow! No need for violence, Lisbon. Just thought our friends would find the reminder useful since they're now in the same situation."

Fischer rolls her eyes, pulls out her wallet, and passes a twenty to Cho. He pockets it with a smirk lasting mere milliseconds, then says, "Shut up, Jane. If I kick you, you're going to the hospital."

"No bodily harm, please," Lisbon says. "I need him to look at houses."

Fischer says, "How about we call a truce? Personal remarks stay out of the office."

"Agreed," Lisbon and Cho chorus. Their combined glare makes me grin and say, "Fine. Can we go out for drinks so I can get it out of my system?"

"You're buying," Cho says.

"Gladly," I say, and mean it. "Now we just need to get Wylie a date."

All three of them roll their eyes at me in perfect unison, and I chuckle.

Life is good. I've got Lisbon back forever; Cho and Fischer are too wrapped up in their own affair to tease us; and Abbott's already thinking about what to get us for a wedding present. I can't wait to tell Rigsby and Grace. They'll appreciate how hard the road back is after you've screwed things up the first time. And how precious happiness is after you've thought it was gone forever.

Fortunately, it's never too late to turn things around while there's life and love. Lisbon and I have both.

And we're going to make the most of it.


End file.
